My

  heart skipped a beat when I shuffled into the grow room and saw the

  faint green specks of seedlings barely pushing up through the top of

  the soil. The only section that was showing signs of life for now was

  the beans, but it was a proof of concept and hope spread through me.

  I might have had a lot of reasons against me that made it unlikely

  for me to survive for long in this new world, but I was still putting

  up a good fight.

  None of the other plants seemed to be doing anything just yet,

  though checking the bags with the seeds the beans were sprouting with

  long, worm-like tendrils out of the split beans and the tomato seeds

  had the faintest of changes where I could almost see the start of the

  first life pushing out. Excitedly, I replaced the bag of tomato seeds

  back under the lights and then took the beans back to my apartment.

  The beans being first to sprout had so many good implications for

  my survival. Beans were pretty simple to grow and if I remembered

  correctly would get a decent amount of calories per harvest. I also

  still had quite a bit still dried that I could plant and in a pinch

  sprout and eat the sprouts of I was desperate for quick nutrition.

  Also, I could dry the mature beans at harvest and have a shelf stable

  food source if I grew enough to have an abundance. It was likely I

  was getting ahead of myself thinking that far, but it was hope and

  hope might end up being what kept me alive.

  The potting soil had been in my closet for about two years and was

  hard as a rock, but with a fork and determination I was able to break

  it up enough to fill three of my larger pots and place them next to

  the window where at least a tiny amount of sun got through during the

  day. It was not ideal and it made much more sense to go put them back

  under the grow lights, however eventually the electricity would fail

  and I needed to know if it was possible to grow with just the light

  the apartment got naturally. If not, I needed to start thinking of

  another plan and knowing now while I still had food reserves was a

  lot better than figuring it out later when I might be already

  starving. I carefully transferred all of the seeds into the pots and

  covered them with a thin layer of soil and whispered words of hope

  under my breath.

  I went to pour some of my meagre collected rainwater onto each but

  hesitated and looked towards the sink. I was unwilling to drink from

  the tap and the off, rusty, stale smell was getting worse from the

  water that came out, but would it matter if I used it on the plants?

  I was well aware that grey water was often used by people and

  companies to help conserve water, however there were two major

  hesitations that came to my mind about using an unknown water source.

  First, the only times commercially I had heard of it being done was

  mostly for non-edible gardens. Second, most times the grey water was

  just rinse water from dishes, bathing, or washing machines, and

  generally the water than had gone into those at the start had been

  potable.

  My biggest concern was heavy metals. I knew that they accumulated

  in the body over time and could vividly remember the media warnings

  over pregnancy and eating too much fish because of the mercury levels

  present in fish. I didn’t know off the top of my head if things

  like lead were the same, but it felt like a reasonable concern and

  worthy of me taking a moment to consider my next move. The trade off

  was using water that I felt a bit safer drinking and literally

  pouring it away and using it up in a way I couldn’t get back. Sure,

  it might make me feel better about not using a potential heavy metal

  contaminated source, but if there was no reason to be concerned then

  I was depleting a very vital and limited resource.

  At any other point in my life I would have just picked up my

  cellphone and researched, but the internet had gone down and data was

  not working. The due date of my bills had passed and I assumed that

  something somewhere had gone down and the payments for my internet

  and phone plan had failed to go through and they were on automatic

  disconnection. It made me very concerned about my power, but so far

  nothing had changed so I hope that it was something that was done

  manually and it would stay on for as long as everyone else did.

  I sighed and shook my head, scooping up the rain water again with

  an empty jam jar and carefully watering each of the plant pots until

  they were moist enough to encourage the seedlings to keep growing.

  Maybe I was making a mistake in not using the currently infinite

  resource, but I just couldn’t be sure how safe it would be for me.

  It felt like too much of a long con dark joke if I survived long

  enough to get the plants going only to give myself some kind of heavy

  metal poisoning with the first harvest. It was entirely possible I

  was just being paranoid, though I felt justified in being paranoid

  now that there were no ambulances or hospitals to help me if I made a

  wrong choice.

  Besides, for now I still had water saved up, though it was much

  less than I liked. I hoped for a storm soon to fill the collector and

  then maybe I could feel safe. I even had grand ideas of taking apart

  the irrigation system in the other apartment and splicing tubing

  together to have multiple containers to fill and have enough to get

  me through the dry summer times. If I made it that far. I tried

  really hard to not consider just how much harder and how much more

  struggle there was going to be to feed and hydrate myself by that

  point. It would be a whole different world, one I couldn’t imagine

  just yet and even trying brought the weight of every bit of

  existential dread I had ever felt directly onto my chest. It would

  suffocate me into inaction if it let, so I couldn’t.

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  The sound of a thump in the hallway drove fear straight into my

  heart and broke me out of my thoughts. I froze with the jam jar half

  put down back into the water collector with my head snapped towards

  my own door. My first instinct had been to check if I had the chain

  on and in my excitement in getting the seedlings into pots I

  foolishly hadn’t. I cursed under my breath at my lapse in

  judgement, though relaxed slightly when I remembered the barricaded

  hallway door. I had been in and out of the other apartments enough to

  be certain enough no one or anything else lurked in them. Well, not

  the hoarded one, but I was certain by the lack of a path anywhere

  else but that couch and not hearing anyone struggling at that door

  that I was okay. There was a separate fire escape that went up to

  that window, but after seeing inside the apartment, it was hoarded to

  the point of being inaccessible. That made mine and that one the only

  potential window entry points.

  Another loud thump woke up the zombie in the apartment below me

  and it started thumbing around and growling. This time the sound got

  me moving and I set the jar down gently as to not make any noise and

  then shuffled my feet across the carpet quickly and quietly to my

  door. I pressed my face to the peephole, but didn’t see anything

  other than the normal, empty hallway. Another thump and I realized it

  was the hallway door. Someone was pulling on the other side.

  A million thoughts and scenarios went through my mind. I was used

  to being alone for long period of time, but I couldn’t deny that I

  was lonely. It would be nice to have human contact and two heads were

  better than one, especially when mine was prone to getting confused

  or run slow. Yet, if it was someone bold enough to be running around

  and looting through this kind of building, it was likely they were

  desperate or potentially crazy. Even worse, they could be desperate

  and crazy. We were a low income building, the chances of there being

  anything worthwhile here was low unless they were specifically

  looking for more illicit items. That thought sealed that I definitely

  did not want to get involved and I put the chain lock up and mentally

  thanked myself for blocking the hallway door like I had.

  The thumping happened a couple more times and then stopped

  entirely. I waited a few minutes at the door, but there were no more

  noises outside of the thumping of the zombie downstairs. It was

  moving in a circle now, the same pattern over and over of the thumps

  and dragging sound. It would do this for at least another half hour

  before settling down again.

  I had learned a lot about the idling activity of zombies from just

  having it downstairs. Any sound loud enough would rouse it into

  activity for a few minutes, but if it couldn’t get to whatever had

  made the sound it just started circling and after a while gave up,

  settling into the same corner by the window. It unsettled me that it

  seemed to like to plop itself right by the window. If that window got

  broken, either by something outside or it managed it one day, all it

  had to do was wander up the stairs to my window, but it seemed either

  physically or mentally to be able to work out that the window could

  be opened or broken so for now like many other things, I just tried

  not to think about it.

  There was so much I couldn’t control and for most of it I just

  had to choose not to even consider them possibilities until it stared

  me in the face. I was likely dead either way in those scenarios and

  no amount of planning ahead would be likely to save me. Best to just

  accept and move on.

  The seedlings did keep growing. Within two days I could see the

  new sprouts pushing up the dirt and I gave them another drink to

  encourage them. I felt a little better about giving them water this

  time. There had been morning drizzles that had made a noticeable, but

  not great increase in my water supply. Though it wasn’t enough to

  quite feel safe yet, it was still early autumn and mid to late autumn

  tended to be fairly rainy and I felt reasonably sure it would fill up

  soon enough.

  Feeling optimistic about my potted beans I went to check on the

  others. I hadn’t been out to see them since someone tried to open

  the hallway door. It was irrational to be afraid since they hadn’t

  gotten in, but still I felt exposed. Someone somewhere knew that I

  was in this part of the building and I didn’t like that. If they

  really wanted to, they could come up the fire escape and get in that

  way, though that did seem to be guarded by around a dozen shambling

  zombies at any one point in time. It felt ridiculous that I was kind

  of comforted by that, but I was. Until I heard a commotion of zombies

  and someone trying to get through that alleyway, I wouldn’t worry

  about the fire escape for now, though I was actively trying to figure

  out creative ways to block off the access from at least the down.

  I eyed the exit door like it would suddenly start jiggling again

  as I shuffled across the hallway. Of course it didn’t budge and I

  opened the door to the apartment with the grow room. I almost turned

  and missed it entirely, but out of the corner of my eye I saw the

  corner of a white piece of paper shoved under the hallway door. My

  heart thumped away and made me feel light-headed.

  I could and maybe should just ignore it. It more than likely was

  just some trash blowing around the building that had gotten caught in

  the doorway when they had been pulling on the door to open it. Still,

  could I just turn around and not know for certain? They did say that

  curiosity killed the cat, though there were already so many other

  things trying to kill me curiosity was in a long line.

  Unsure, but too curious to let it go, I bent down and pulled the

  page through the bottom of the door. With shaking hands I turned it

  over and written across the page in black marker was: “Are you a

  friend?”