Marquis

  Year 30

  Beyond the walls of Athkatla’s city gates lies a dark descent into what is otherwise unknown to those around it. I know every turn of the old stone passage and before long, the chamber opens to reveal the Mother and Father, sitting in perfect stillness before me.

  The Mother is seated, posture straight with her chin lifted and eyes shut. Her husband sits beside her as somewhat of a heavier presence in the chamber. I bow before them both, though my attention turns entirely to her.

  “What are you doing with Alexios?” I ask timidly. “I must understand.”

  The words echo in the chamber. She does not move so I wait. I have done little else for nearly two thousand years.

  “You commanded him to kill in my home,” I add. “Violently, might I add. This is not as I taught him.”

  The Mother’s continued silence causes me to step forward.

  “You must know that I have never instructed him to indulge in pain and cruelty.”

  Her eyes do not even spark. I frown before I can stop myself, searching her face for any recognition of the concerns I voice. There is no approval, denial, amusement or even irritation.

  “You reward him,” I follow up, slowly letting the thought leaves my lips. “Fine clothing. Distractions. Menand women sent to pleasure him as if he were cherished by them. You have never done that for me.”

  The Father remains perfectly still. I look back to the Mother. My words are not meant to be accusatory. I am simply stating a fact. I have guarded her through war and plague, and protected her when others attempted to cast her into the sun and drown her in the depths of the ocean. Not once have I asked for anything such as adornments or rewards. Perhaps that is a mistake on my behalf.

  Because I have received exactly that. Nothing.

  “I do not want what he has,” I explain, feebly attempting my need to clarify. “I only wish to understand.”

  When it becomes certain she will not speak with me tonight, I bow and step forward to brush the dust from her and her husband’s unmoving bodies. This ritual has been ingrained into me, though as I lower my head once more… I begin to lack the certainty that I always felt was effortless.

  What has my loyalty truly bought me?

  “I do not wish to serve you improperly,” I say quietly, though it sounds more like a plea in this moment.

  To my surprise, she answers me, though not with words. Bright light bursts through the chamber, forcing my eyes to shut tightly and when I open them… I am standing beneath an open sky with marble columns lining a courtyard.

  A laurel crown rests softly in my pale hair while gentle music flows through. When I glance down, I see myself. Open and smiling without the distance I am so privy to. My hand is clasped in another’s and when I turn, I see my beloved Phaedra, as radiant as ever. Joy paints her expression as if this moment belongs only to us.

  But then I turn and see Alexios standing beside us, though mortality no longer restricts him. Where mortality once stood, eternity has rooted itself in him. He is a blood drinker, just as I am. He kisses Phaedra’s cheek softly, then turns to taste my lips with his own. It is affection without shame or secrecy. This… is our communion.

  Just when I believe I have felt everything from this vision, there is someone else. At first, they are veiled in a light that is so bright, I cannot look directly into it. There is only the existence of horns rising from the petite silhouette framed in brightness. When they step forward to embrace me, the light dims just enough to feel warmth against my chest as the form presses against it. Alexios turns towards the glowing presence, taking their hand in his as he kisses them.

  I do not know who they are, but the four of us stand together now. In this moment, I understand. This is what waits for me.

  When the light fades, I am back in the chamber with my hand stretched forward, reaching for the happiness I felt mere moments ago. I lift my head as a single tear of blood slips from my eye.

  “I want this,” I gasp out. “I want it more than I have ever wanted anything. May I have this?”

  She does not move, but it is okay. I bow deeper and as I rise, my loyalty slides back into place. Slowly, I reach for her cold hand and kiss it.

  “Thank you,” I whisper.

  I straighten my cloak and turn away from the Mother and Father. As I begin the ascent back to the surface, I am left smiling.

  --

  I arrive home precisely when I mean to. Phaedra stands in front of the hearth with her arms crossed. As soon as our eyes meet, she glides gracefully across the room, hands sliding under my shirt as her lips find mine. When she finally pulls back, the smile on her face is just as warm as the fire in the hearth.

  “Where is Alexios?” I ask.

  “Out.”

  “With whom?”

  “A woman from the Trades District,” she tells me. “Quite pretty, might I add. Did you enjoy your hunt?”

  “I did not go to feed.”

  Her eyes narrow at my words as confusion passes along her face.

  “The Mother called for you?”

  “No,” I answer honestly.

  “Yet you forbid me from doing the same,” Phaedra says. “You truly go to her whenever you wish?”

  “I am her guardian,” I reply. “I am not forbidding you. It is…”

  “Control,” she insists. “It is always surrounding control with you. She speaks to me, Marquis. Just as she does with Alexios.”

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  My head shakes as frustration sets in.

  “You speak as if I do not wish for you to carry the weight of her existence,” I tell her.

  “You let Alexios bear it,” she responds as she steps away from me.

  “Phaedra, do not…”

  “Do not what?” she presses me sternly. “You watch his every movement and as soon as someone else touches him, you tighten your grip.”

  “It is my responsibility to guide him, remember?”

  Phaedra gestures towards the open room.

  “This is not fair for him. I want Alexios to have freedom and to make mistakes. That boy has been through more than most of the people we have come to know in our eternal lives. He should be free to live whatever life he can still claim.”

  She watches me for a long moment, expecting a response. I am at a loss for words.

  “Why does it seem as if you are always correcting and deciding what is allowed for us?” she finally asks. “Is it because you cannot stand the thought of us choosing something that does not place you as the axis around which we both turn?”

  “That is a fallacy,” I bite back, though I can hear the denial in the words.

  “Then why are you upset that he is with someone else tonight? If you attempt to control everything, you will lose us both.”

  The fire pops violently, pulling us both from our words.

  I want to tell her about the vision so desperately so that she may feel the beautiful hope that has spread through me, but I do not. Perhaps it will almost sound like a threat to her.

  “I must go out,” Phaedra tells me.

  “For how long?”

  She draws her cloak from the chair.

  “A few hours, I would assume.”

  “Not tonight,” I say, much too quickly. “You do not need to leave, my beloved. Whatever this is, we can discuss it.”

  “I am not asking for your permission to leave, Marquis.”

  I step closer and reach for her wrist, just enough to prevent her from stepping forward. Her eyes widen as she looks down at my hand before pulling free.

  “You do not even realize when you are doing it,” she continues bitterly.

  “I want to keep you safe tonight,” I plead. “Let me take you to bed, hmm?”

  “You are trying to keep me where you can see me.”

  She wraps the cloak around her shoulders and pushes past me. I consider stopping her once more, but I let the idea leave me swiftly.

  “I love you,” Phaedra expresses as she pauses at the entranceway. “More than anything. But I do not wish to be caged by you and neither does Alexios.”

  The door opens and then she is gone. I remain still, acutely aware that she has just shown me mercy.

  --

  I have been still in the bath far too long, allowing my thoughts to circle wildly. Then a presence centers me. Alexios must be home. The sensations of soft skin and silk slipping from shoulders follow as he steps closer.

  I should leave him alone, he suggests to himself. But… I want to see him. Would he mind?

  My eyes open.

  “You may come in, Alexios.”

  The half-open door is pushed towards me and he stops just inside, wine glass in hand. I lean back against the edge of the bath, coaxing the water to lap against the stone.

  “Would you care to join me in conversation?” I ask softly.

  I feel his thoughts pulse before finally settling. Still, his shoulders rise lazily. When he steps closer, I can smell perfume and someone else’s touch on his skin. I find myself immeasurably grateful that he has come home to me.

  “Where’s Phaedra?” Alexios asks. Rightfully so for him to ask as this is usually the hour of night when both Phaedra and I share a quiet moment in the steaming water.

  “She went out,” I briefly explain.

  His head drops. Then he takes a small sip of wine.

  “Is… everything alright between the two of you?”

  The warm water laps higher against my shoulder as I shift awkwardly. None of the answers I could give him tonight are the correct ones.

  “It is not something to concern yourself with tonight,” I say after a few silent moments.

  Alexios’s thoughts push through and I can tell he wants to push further, though he does not.

  “I see,” he mutters. “Do you want company anyway?”

  “Yes,” I admit without a second thought. “You may stay.”

  His shoulders relax, moving to perch on the edge of the bath as his bare feet slide gently into the water. The wine glass is placed to his side, still in reach but not close enough to accidentally knock over.

  I catch myself admiring how the candlelight caresses his facial features.

  “Did you enjoy yourself this evening?” I ask lightly.

  Alexios’s lips smirk.

  “I did,” he answers too quickly. “Very much so. She was very… attentive.”

  One of my eyebrows raises at the suggestiveness at the word.

  “And she had a friend,” he adds.

  “A friend,” I repeat.

  “He didn’t stay long,” he admits. “But if I’m being honest, I was more distracted by him.”

  Alexios does not need to say more than what he has already admitted. I already know where a majority of his attention tends to drift and what kind of silhouettes hold it longer.

  The water ripples as I move closer to the edge of the bath where he sits. His smirk settles into something far more pleasant. I remind myself that observing him in this relaxed state is what matters.

  One of my hands raises, gesturing lazily at the water.

  “You may join if you would prefer,” I offer him.

  He is silent for a few careful moments, weighing whether my offer is true. Finally, he moves and slips free of his cloak and fine clothing. I cannot help but watch as the candlelight highlights his collarbones and shoulders. He does not rush as he steps into the bath.

  “Do you plan to see either of them again?” I question curiously.

  Alexios leans back against the stone lining, taking another sip of his wine as he considers the question.

  “I don’t think so,” he answers.

  Truthfully, his response astonishes me.

  “No?”

  His head shakes slowly.

  “It’s not really about them,” he confesses. “I don’t know why… intimacy… comforts me so much now. When I’m in those moments, it feels like… power.”

  “Is that so?” I question, wishing for him to continue.

  “I think the queen likes it too,” he adds quietly. “I can feel her approval. As if she’s getting off to it too.”

  Before I can speak, he lowers himself into the water, his face and long hair disappearing beneath the warm surface. As he remains below for a few moments, I begin to understand him more than I have in thirty years.

  This young drow who once belonged to the cruelty of House Baenre. A body that was never his to command. Consent was an illusion. Now he chooses. He ends it when he wishes.

  I say nothing as Alexios slowly rises from the water, though the need to confess the vision the Mother revealed presses harder. As I watch him now, I think of how radiant and whole he looked. How pleased he was to be chosen by both me and Phaedra and choosing us entirely in return.

  My arm rests gently along the edge of the bath.

  “It is not wrong to want what was once denied to you, Alexios.”

  A few of his fingers drift gracefully across the surface as his other hand reaches for the wine glass again.

  “What really happened with Phaedra?” he asks cautiously as he tilts the glass in his hand.

  In an effort to buy myself a few more moments of time, I reach for a cloth at the bath’s edge and wring it out just to give myself something to do.

  “We disagreed about something… inconsequential,” I try to deceive. “She will return shortly, I am sure.”

  Alexios watches me closely before nodding and taking an even larger drink, red wine slipping messily past his lips and down his chin.

  As he haphazardly swallows down the last of it, his thoughts drift more easily, shoulders resting lower than they should.

  This is his fourth glass…

  No.

  His sixth, just tonight.

  I reveal nothing to him. If I am to comment on it, it would feel like hypocrisy. Concern would blur the lines even further, in ways that I am not prepared to be confronted with. Alexios rests his head back, comforted by the warmth of the red wine and perhaps even my presence.

  Just as I sway closer to him, intent on guiding my lips down against his neck to feel the warmth of his skin and the pulse of blood beneath, the door to our home closes.

  Alexios’s posture changes as his attention is pulled towards the hallway. Shortly, the soft sound of footsteps give way to Phaedra appearing in the doorway of the bathing chamber. Her eyes drift immediately to Alexios.

  “There you are,” she tells him warmly. “I was wondering if you arrived home safely.”

  Alexios smiles sheepishly at her and raises his empty glass as a greeting. Phaedra drifts towards the edge of the bath, leaning down to leave a quick brush of her lips to his cheek.

  “My love,” she greets me coolly.

  Alexios senses more than I give him proper credit for, crimson eyes glancing between to the two of us.

  “I’ll… I’ll step out so you can talk.”

  Phaedra smiles at him.

  “That is quite alright, Alexios.”

  As he begins rising, warm droplets falling from his skin, Phaedra’s hand raises to stop him. Her cloak falls to the ground, followed by her gown. Alexios averts his eyes out of politeness, though she would not mind either way. Ever so gracefully, she steps into the bath and lowers herself near me, just enough to keep the distance however.

  Even though we collectively remain in the water, the distance between all of us feels wider than the bath itself.