Ryan led him toward the back of the building; and with the little light Nicolas had, he could see a door. It was a metal one, similar to the one he had entered, only a little smaller. Thankfully, when Ryan pushed it, this door was also unlocked, and Nicolas’ eyes were hit with the blinding lights of Seattle yet again. The streetlights lit the sidewalks with a white, moon-like glow.
It was crazy how quick things could look different. When he first entered the alley, the city looked huge. Glowing billboards and buildings taller than mountains, filled with yellow lights like fireflies doing a dance performance. But now, it was like he was in a completely different city. The buildings looked smaller, though the skyscrapers were still more than visible in the background. There was a light mist of water coming from the sky, making the brick road below them reflect the lights from the farmers market ahead as they walked.
The particles of mist tapped along the concrete, like shards of diamonds sparkling along the bricks as they reflected the streetlights glow.
Nicolas had turned his phone light off when they left the strange, dark building, which was also the same time that Ryan had let go of his hand.
“Wanna go in there?” Ryan asked, pointing to the farmers market, which had a huge, glowing red sign saying Public Farmers Market. There was an outline of a clock beside it, and Nicolas thought the place was way too flashy for its own good.
“The market?” he asked.
“It beats staying out here in the rain,” Ryan replied.
“It’s not raining yet,” Nicolas laughed as he followed him, crossing the brick road and nearing the market entrance.
Inside, there were rows of large baskets filled with vegetables, ranging from corn, to lemons, to radish, and a ton of plants that Nicolas couldn’t name.
They walked around for a while, pretending to be looking for something specific, but in reality, they were just exploring.
And Nicolas felt free.
“So, what kind of stuff do you like?” Ryan asked, attempting to start up a conversation. “Like, hobbies and stuff, I mean.”
“Well, I like reading,” Nicolas replied. “I used to not, but my brother got me into it because he wouldn’t stop talking about the new books he and his girlfriend were reading together.”
“You have a brother?” Ryan asked, sounding surprised.
“Yeah.” Nicolas looked down at his feet as pain pierced his heart so hard he thought it felt like actual, physical pain. I used to.
“Is everything okay?” Ryan asked as he stopped walking, and Nicolas could feel his gaze like he was looking into his soul.
“Yeah,” Nicolas lied. “It’s just… everything’s happening so fast.”
He learned that the best way to lie was to replace the truth with a different truth. Instead of making something up, you tell the truth, but the wrong truth. Everything was happening so fast, and it was overwhelming, but talking about that was easier than talking about how he had lost the only person who ever loved him, and how he should have asked Sam how he was doing, something he didn’t notice he neglected until recently.
“I feel the same way,” Ryan replied, picking up an apple from one of the baskets. “It feels like everything is happening all at once.” He paused, before adding, “Are you sure you’re feeling alright? It’s okay if you want to talk.”
Nicolas wasn’t sure why Ryan was talking like this. Was he trying to help? And how long would he try until he gave up?
Or how long until he did what Kane did?
“Can we talk about something else?” Nicolas forced himself to ask.
“Sure, if you want.” Ryan looked like he was about to add something else, but decided not to. “What’s your favorite kind of book?”
“Anything really. I like fantasy and contemporary a lot.” This was another one of those truthful lies. Yes, he did like those genres, but they weren’t his favorites. But Nicolas wasn’t sure he wanted to tell Ryan that he preferred reading romance—specifically, gay romance.
Yeah, definitely don’t feel like sharing that.
“You’ll have to recommend some, one day,” Ryan replied, putting the apple he had been examining for way too long back into the basket. They began walking again, trying not to make it too obvious that they were loitering.
“I have some money if you want to get a quick snack,” Ryan said as they passed a little donut shop with the sign “Donut Heaven” placed on the window.
“Are you sure?” Nicolas asked. He hated accepting things from people; it felt wrong to let people give him things, like it was somehow stealing.
“Sure I’m sure,” Ryan replied, grabbing Nicolas’ hand yet again, pulling him toward the bakery booth.
A warm aroma hit his senses, smelling like buttery bread mixed with cookies and sugar.
“What can I get you two?” the woman behind the glass asked. She looked pretty young, maybe around eighteen or nineteen if Nicolas had to guess. She used a finger to gently move a curly, red hair that had fallen onto her glasses.
The menu was displayed on the wall behind her.
“What kind do you want?” Ryan asked Nicolas, who glanced at the options. There weren’t any pictures, just words.
Plain: $4.35
Cinnamon: $5.50
Candy rainbow: $5.50
Nicolas decided on the plain one, since simple was always better in his eyes.
“One cinnamon, and one plain please,” Ryan said to the curly haired woman.
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“Alright,” was all she replied, tapping some keys on a calculator. Ryan gave her the money, as she turned around, stepping into the kitchen in the room behind her.
“Thank you for buying this by the way,” Nicolas told him, still feeling oddly guilty.
“Don’t mention it. I think you’re cool. Cool people deserve donuts.”
The sudden compliment caught Nicolas off guard. “You think I’m cool?”
“Of course I do!” Ryan replied, sounding almost astonished. “Who could think differently?”
The smile Nicolas didn’t know his face was making faded away. “You’d be surprised.”
“Well, people are stupid. You are awesome, and I’ll buy you donuts every day if I need to.”
I don’t deserve these words, he thought to himself, looking down. “Thank you,” he replied, trying to sound cheerful.
“Here you two go,” the worker said when she returned, handing them a little tray with two donuts—one plain and one cinnamon.
“Thank you, ma’am,” Ryan said to her as he took them, handing the plain one to Nicolas.
“Thank you again for buying this,” Nicolas told him as they turned around, stepping away from the donut shop.
“I told you, you don’t have to thank me,” Ryan laughed, before adding, “how about we get out of here?”
“Sounds good.”
***
They were two boys, sitting on the ground in the almost-rain, eating donuts on the empty sidewalk at four in the morning.
The donut tasted pretty good. Like warm, buttery bread, mixed with the sweet and sticky glaze that Nicolas loved about donuts.
He couldn’t remember the last time he’d tasted a freshly baked donut.
“Is it good?” Ryan asked him after a moment of just the sound of rain.
“Mhm,” Nicolas replied, not wanting to talk with his mouth full.
“You can tell a lot about a city by how their donuts taste.”
“What’s that mean?” Nicolas laughed, swallowing the last bite of sweet, glazed bread.
“I have absolutely no idea,” Ryan replied. “But it sounds funny.”
“You’re weird,” Nicolas told him, but he couldn’t stop himself from smiling. In fact, he didn’t know he was smiling until he felt his cheek muscles getting sore.
The wet air around them felt warm, and Nicolas thought it felt relatively nice.
“Where now?” Ryan asked once he had also finished his snack.
“I guess we can just walk for a bit if you want.”
Ryan didn’t oppose that idea, so he and Nicolas stood back up, and began walking down the empty streets, which looked weird for a city of this size.
“Where is everyone?” Ryan asked. “Isn’t Seattle supposed to be packed with people or something?”
“It feels so empty.” Nicolas thought that he was the only one who noticed it, but apparently, he wasn’t. There wasn’t a person in sight, making the glowing city streets look deserted and eerie.
“Maybe they’re all inside watching football or something,” Ryan suggested.
“Isn’t that usually a winter thing?” Nicolas asked.
“I don’t know, I’ve never really liked football.”
“Yeah, it’s kinda overrated.” Sometimes, Nicolas wondered if anyone actually liked sports, or if they just liked laughing at other people for being fans of a different team than them.
“The bobcat tiger elephants are the worst!” –or whatever the teams were called.
Nicolas once tried to get into it, to at least understand the appeal, but it still never made sense to him.
“Here’s a bookstore,” Ryan said, stopping at a small, brick building. The large window beside the dark, wooden door was covered with photographs and painting, and behind them, Nicolas could see shelves full of books. “You said you like reading, right?”
“Yeah,” he answered, following Ran inside.
Even though it was out of the rain, the inside of the store felt cold, the icy air hitting him as soon as he stepped through the doorway. Nicolas used his hands to cover his forearm as the coldness chilled his skin.
It wasn’t a very big bookstore, but that was perfect, because Nicolas preferred smaller ones anyways, since smaller businesses usually meant less greedy millionaires.
The inside of the bookstore was cozy though. The lights reflected off the light brown shelves, filling the place with a slight orange tint. The crimson floor and small, packed bookshelves reminded Nicolas of a library—and it also reminded him how charming smaller bookstores were.
The store was quiet; and besides Nicolas and Ryan, it seemed to be completely empty. Nicolas glanced through the titles as they walked through the store, his head tilted sideways to read the horizontal spines. He continued until he came to one of the shelves, where green letters spelled out the word Romance. He glanced through the spines, until he noticed a thin book, titled The Lost Boys, close to the bottom of the shelf. He picked it up, feeling the thin novella in his fingers. It was short, almost like a short story; probably not even a hundred pages long if he had to guess.
“That’s a small book, huh?” Ryan said, pointing toward the small story in Nicolas’ hands. “I didn’t know you were into romance,” he added, pointing up at the sign above their heads. “That’s neat.”
“Yeah,” Nicolas replied, turning his head away.
For some reason, he didn’t like people knowing that he liked romance. It wasn’t even that big a deal, and it was one of those things that normal people wouldn’t even consider weird.
But still, it made him feel oddly guilty; like it wasn’t something he was supposed to be reading; even the ones without sex scenes.
The place was completely quiet, which made Nicolas feel a little self-conscious; like the whole world could hear every single weird, random sound his body made.
“It’s almost like they’re closed,” Ryan said with a laugh. It really did seem that way. Even the front desk was completely vacant, as if no one worked here.
“But the sign says they’re open,” Nicolas replied, pointing at the sign on the door; which from this side read Sorry, we’re closed. “And the lights are still on.”
“Good point.”
Nicolas carried the book around with him while he browsed the shelves, looking for anything else that would catch his eye.
Then, after spending more time than they should’ve inside the shop, Nicolas carried The Lost Boys over to the front desk, which was still empty.
He rang the little bell on the desk, and waited a few moments.
But no one answered.
“Hello?” Ryan called, tapping the top of the bell again, and again, and again; the ring sounding more annoying with each tap.
“I’m coming!” someone shouts back. Nicolas and Ryan glance at each other for a moment, and then, there’s someone behind the counter; appearing so suddenly and silently that Nicolas almost let out a shriek, but somehow held it together.
She looked kind of old, and her short, light-colored hair curled from the roots, to the tips.
Nicolas handed her the book, and she scanned it, and Nicolas paid: And there was this awkward silence between them like there was some unspoken rule against talking. Then, she gave Nicolas the receipt, and turned her back, disappearing yet again, leaving both Nicolas and Ryan standing there, wondering what just happened, with only $2.27 left in his pocket.
When they stepped outside the bookstore, the rain was still no more than just a light sprinkle falling from the clouds in a gentle mist.
“We should probably get back to the hotel,” Nicolas spoke over the sounds of larger drops of water falling from the buildings, landing in puddles on wet sidewalks. It was that white noise that always came with rain, no matter how small the raindrops were.
“I agree,” Ryan replied, sighing. “Do you ever have those nights where it feels like things are just perfect, and you never want the moment to end?” he asked, his voice softening slightly. He seemed so much different than the guy they’d met on the train—the stranger doing a cowboy impression and annoying Ash for the fun of it. Somehow, he seemed like a whole different person now.
But why?
“Yeah,” Nicolas answered his question. “I guess.”
“This is one of those nights for me,” Ryan said, grabbing Nicolas’ hand again and pulling him a few steps away from the bookstore. “Does it have to end yet?”
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