It had been raining for six… wait, it must already be after midnight. Therefore, it was the seventh day since it began pouring rain.

  I was in bed, wearing nothing at all. A blond woman was sleeping next to me, also discarding anything resembling clothes. She was using my shoulder as a pillow, hugging my leg with both of hers while also wrapping my body with one of her arms.

  On the other hand, I only used one arm to hug her more out of obligation than anything else.

  The room lacked a light source. Even the moon was hidden due to the numerous rainy clouds. Not that much moonlight would have entered through the window, but it would not have been as pitch black as it was now.

  The only way to know that someone was next to me was to feel them. Yet, despite her warmth, I could not keep my thoughts away. After the alcohol lost its effects, the worries that I messed up would not let me fall asleep.

  I had traveled with them for quite some time now. Too long even. My time was running out.

  I knew it would take me a while to find what I was looking for, but keeping the same pace as those slowpokes truly made it a waste of time.

  Still, their company was slightly better than talking to myself, barely keeping my sanity intact. I was used to being alone, but it was never pleasant.

  Although most of them were hostile toward me at the beginning, they have grown to dislike me less. I also began tolerating them more. Still, something about them… felt off…

  Who were they? From where had they come?

  Mary said she came from the North-West parts of The Old Continent. Given their strong bond and cordial relationship, the rest were probably from there. I despised one of the countries that exists there. I truly hoped they were not from there. It would be better if neither of us knew the truth behind our origins.

  For all I knew, she might have lied to me back then – an attempt to make us feel closer due to our birthplaces being on the same Continent. I would be with them for a while longer, though. Yet, their secrecy about their objective also made me wary of them, but was I really the one to complain about that?

  It was not like I told them everything about my goals. Unless a major suspicion arose that we were enemies, I would not poke my nose where it did not belong. Some things were better left unknown.

  I had been trying and would continue trying to keep my distance from them. They were people I had met by chance and should have no connection to after this was all over. They might not even make it as far as what I knew and I had no desire to mourn more people.

  A few of them were decent combatants. They had a high chance of survival, but given that they are close friends, they would probably sacrifice themselves for the group.

  About the one next to me… She was slowly improving, but continued to lack the ability to survive if a real threat were to endanger us. Whatever we faced thus far, compared to the battles behind me, was equivalent to a walk in nature.

  I suppose her likability and charm were affecting me. Among the entire group, she was the one I found the least challenging to talk with since day one. Her attempts at flirting with me were slightly annoying, but… it looked like it finally worked…

  Otherwise, why would I give up, drink and let the lust take control of me?

  While she was… having a “taste”, I noticed someone was spying on our activity.

  I decided to let them be. I was unsure whether that would have consequences later. Or I was simply too busy with something else and disregarded their presence.

  Anyway, I had yet to use that drug during this time. I considered taking a dose to calm my constantly growing instability after the events a few days ago; however, it would be consumed fully eventually and the technology to make such a thing was yet to be recovered. Reliance on it was also a major con, but … sigh. It was not the time to think about it. My will proved stronger and I endured. Their company… was not that bad.

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  A few days later, I advised her to go back. My first and last act of kindness toward her.

  Since I had yet to find what I was looking for, it should be near the border between The King’s Territories and the nation up north.

  Strong zombies would be guarding it. Zombies that might be too much for this bunch to survive. Ones that even I would find challenging. After adding the endless horde of low-ranked zombies, I decided to tell her this.

  She rejected my proposal and I never again attempted to raise the issue.

  …

  I wish I did. I wish I had persuaded them to go back when I had the opportunity. I wish… I was not such a scum to let them die.

  Now, most of them either died or death would be salvation.

  The soldiers used us as bait and only Mary and I managed to regroup with them.

  The realisation that her group was probably annihilated… that I did not protect them with everything I had… It broke her state of mind and even her instincts to survive might be questioned at this very moment.

  The only certain survivor from their group was behind me and she was climbing out of this hole.

  I tried to lie to myself, saying it was worth it. I thought it was finally time to meet what I was looking for. And the price… I didn’t pay it. It would also give her a chance of survival. Probably. At least, I would keep my promise to keep her safe…

  One of the last soldiers and I were holding back the front. The Stalkers were throwing their lives away. Even the sun from the outside didn’t stop them.

  They were getting dangerously close to us. I often had to use my knife to parry and kill them while also attempting to fire my AK with one hand. Stomping the ones who went for my knees prevented me from getting a stable foothold.

  The soldier was also having a hard time, but the bastard was always a few steps behind me, using me as a wall the Stalkers had to take down before killing him. Still, some went for him and gave him a few scratches.

  The soldier threw a grenade when he fired the last bullet from his magazine. The following explosion blocked the path, but that was not what I wanted. I could wait a while longer before the main event occurred. And in the meantime, I began cleaning the trash…

  I shot down the remaining Stalkers before the soldier fired another bullet. He was not allowed to rest, though. I did not allow him to. The moment the path was blocked, my plan was in motion.

  No, in truth, the moment I understood that a high-ranking zombie was leading this horde, the plan was in motion. I stopped protecting their group and focused on my thing while also guarding my life, disregarding their well-being.

  The last bullet I fired in this engagement was aimed at the soldier. I shot him in the throat.

  He was not expecting anything of the sort and all he could do while choking in his own blood was to look at me, his expression distorting too much to take notice of him.

  One was certain – he felt despair. How could he not? He was so close to escaping and he had to be betrayed now, of all times? Served him right.

  When I was certain he had no way to retaliate, I began staring at the blockade, waiting for the heavier zombies to come and break through.

  If luck were on my side, I would meet with the one leading them directly. If not, I would have to fight my way through until I reached them. Either way, the soldier would have more uses as a corpse rather than being alive.

  I… had to steel myself. I had to keep a poker face. At least she would survive. That would keep my barely existing consciousness calm for the most part.

  I loved her not. But… I hoped she survived and completed her mission. The mission for which she sacrificed so much. How admirable and tragic at the same time.

  I wondered… Was my mission worth all the blood I had spilled and the blood I have yet to?

  I looked up to make certain she was already on the surface. I was left speechless.

  I saw her falling. A hit from that height on this floor would have gravely injured her if not outright ended her. I moved and successfully caught her in my arms before realising it.

  It was not too late; she might have another opportunity to get up, right? I hoped so until she tried standing on both legs. She stumbled and I prevented her from falling.

  She checked her left leg. By the despair in her expression, I knew she wasn’t going to climb it. Hell, she could not even walk properly. This would be…

  Fuck! Fuck!! Fuck!!!

  Those soldiers… It must be them… It could only be them…

  The blockage had already begun to be attacked by the zombies. I did not have much time to think. No, there were not many options I could have taken. She or my goals… I could only pick one of the two…

  She had her unprotected back facing me…

  If I were alone, I would have been able to survive whatever came or at least escape with my life. But with the two of us? It was not possible. Therefore… I acted.

  “Go…”

  I should have made it painless, shot her on the head, but I used my left arm and pierced her chest, where her heart was. I got hold of it and was about to squash it, but the moment I attempted, my hand refused to move. I did nothing but prolong her suffering.

  I must steel myself. She and her group were but a stepping stone during my plan. Yet… I must rationalise my actions…

  How funny. I left her to live when I wanted to kill her and killed her when I wanted her to live. How… spineless of me.