Things are looking up for Joshua.
For one, learning that Jophiel is steadily growing into a powerhouse is making his confidence rise to new levels.
Secondly, he just got news that Steven is apparently talking to PALKIA, and is looking for a way back home for him.
And third.
He found the computer b.
“I'm convinced they made this pce just to mess with people”
No signs, no nothing, just a door in some out of the way hallway that has an icon of a monitor on it.
And…
“Woah… this is kind of… nice?”
Like a normal computer b there's, well, computers. All lined up in a long desk in the middle and two more that wrap around the corners of the room.
The monitors are very… retro? They're all “soft”, with rounded edges. It's futuristic, but Pokemon futuristic, he doubts that it makes any sense. Some of them are completely gutted or just missing.
There's a detail of a Rotom on the wall, and there's a server rack in the far corner.
He should be able to hook up a battery to one of the computers and monitors, shouldn't be that difficult.
As he approaches the closest monitor, he quickly unplugs both it and the actual computer. Stripping a bit of its wires, he pulls out the (admittedly fucking massive now that he thinks about it) battery and continues to connect it up.
While he does…
[StevenStoneOffical: Joshua. Out of curiosity, how secure is your bunker?]
Oh hey Steven, that's not ominous at all.
“It works, but I'd like to repce the walls with obsidian. It'll take like… ages, though”
With his statue, his ward extends to around his basement-bunker thing, but he wants to at least have some enchantments and crosses around or inside it, now that he's aware of the practical applications of enchants.
[StevenStoneOffical: When you are finished, please prioritize that.]
“…Okay…Why?”
[StevenStoneOffical: Just do it.]
[StevenStoneOffical: Please.]
Joshua is genuinely confused, but it's not he wasn't going to do that anyways, so…
“I guess I can go mine for obsidian ter… that's going to be a pain”
[Is it hard?]
Joshua BARELY holds back a retort that would have absolutely ruined the mood right now.
Jophiel snorts beside him.
“Just takes a long time… I guess making a pool of va and pouring water over it would speed it up, wouldn't it? But… no, I'm not risking burning my house to the ground for that”
*vrrrrr*
As soon as he wraps the wires around the power nub, the battery hums to life and the lights on the computer turn on.
He's… honestly surprised that worked!
Joshua, of course, has never used a Pokemon computer before. But it's hard to miss a bigass button that says “POWER” on it.
Pulling out the rolling chair, he plops down into it and sighs. Quickly checking the time, he still has a good five or so hours before he has to make it back.
“Okay… lets see here…”
*click*
The monitor flicks on, an illustration of a pokeball spins passively in the middle of the screen.
Of course the loading icon would be a pokeball.
Oh, there's even a little looping animation of an Eevee running across the screen, that's cute.
The screen moves upwards, and a log-in screen appears.
>Student
Password: [___________]
>Teacher
Password: [___________]
>Admin
Password: [___________]
>Guest
Joshua raises an eyebrow, then gets an idea.
“There's no way, right…”
p-a-s-s-w-o-r-d
Incorrect, shit.
[Does that usually work?]
[Lol]
[Passwords for school computers require a number, Joshua]
“...”
p-a-s-s-w-o-r-d-1
>Welcome!
He cannot fucking BELIEVE that worked.
The desktop is dispyed, a bit more… user friendly, than what he's used to. More childlike in his honest opinion, but it has soul compared to what Windows does.
Background is just a simple grass field with a ke, a flock of bird pokemon he can't recognize fly over it, creating a really photogenic image.
There's only three icons.
Pokenet, Files, and Mail.
Fucking Pokenet.
Out of sheer curiosity he clicks it on, only to be met with a pure white page with an error dispying a ck of connection.
Oh, right, there's no signal here, but it doesn't seem to startle chat for… some reason.
[He almost found us (゜ロ゜) ]
[Thank Arceus he can't see Battlenet]
[Whew ( ;′?ω?`) ]
[IonoZone: HI MOM!!! ＼(^^)／]
“What have you all been saying about me behind my back?”
[Mostly just gushing about you and Joey]
[Don't tell him!!!]
“...what?”
[NOBODY SNITCH]
[JOSHUA LOOK AWAY!!!]
[NOOOOOOO]
[DON'T LOOK AT YOUR SHAAAAME]
[Dude, people love you]
[I have fanart of you and Jophiel cuddling as my rotom phone wallpaper]
Joshua was only half paying attention to chat. He's gotten better at keeping an eye on his interdimensional voyeurs, but now he turns his focus to them properly.
“I'm sorry… what? What are you guys talking about? I have fanart?”
Why?
His eyes linger back at the number on the corner of the chat.
[VIEWERS: 87,118]
“I get the whole ‘other world’ thing, but you're telling me that eighty-seven THOUSAND people are legitimately fine with watching some guy fiddle with computers?”
[You're an intriguing person Joshua]
[Lol chatter wasn't lying, people love you]
[I admit I joined because I thought this stream was a ‘forbidden’ thing, but now I'm invested lol]
[Please tell Joey I love her]
[You're interesting]
That's…
Sure.
Joshua's not going to try and think about the weird pokemon world logic.
“You have fans, y'know?” He looks down at Jophiel.
Her ears perk a bit, gncing at him with… Okay it doesn't seem like she cares all that much.
A mischievous smile crawls up his face, Jophiel's eyebrow raises in suspicion.
“What? Afraid your extreme violence scared away any potential fans? Horse too White for modern audiences?”
She chuffs slightly in indignation, narrowing her eyes at him.
Turning his chair, he faces her, failing to keep the smugness off his face, and the teasing tone cing his words.
“Imagine what those trainers are going to think, they're going to catch a Garian Ponyta and instead of bashing peoples heads in with a shovel like they thought, they do normal Ponyta things like… NOT braining fuckers with shovels. Poor guys…”
“Pony!” She absolutely knows that he's fucking with her, but her pride won't let her allow such insults to stand.
Chuckling at the simmering mare just radiating a desire for vengence, Joshua's gaze suddenly becomes warmer.
He reaches down and scoops her up into his p, she's about to protest, but his words lock her in pce.
“But don't worry, you'll at least have your number one fan right here”
Joshua wishes he could still feel her emotions, because he can practically FEEL her melt in real time. Her ears burn bright red, as her frown isn't stubborn enough to fight off the absolutely beaming smile that forces its way onto her muzzle.
“...pony”
“What was that? Did you say something?”
“P-Pony!” She lightly pushes him away with her hoof, barely any strength he KNOWS she could put behind it.
Jophiel is definitely conflicted between defending her pride and just accepting Joshua's affection.
Chat, however, is reacting completely normally.
[SEE? SEE?! THIS IS WHY I WATCH!]
[AWWWWWWWWW]
[Put me in the clip]
[Clipped]
[IonoZone: (*≧?≦)? ]
[“why do I have fanart?” then does most fanart-inducing things. Joshua please]
Joshua chuckles at that, then turns back to the computer, Jophiel adjusting herself to get comfortable.
He starts clicking around some of the applications, there's not a lot, but even those are unusable without Wifi.
But then he opens the files, and he freezes. Listed on the cloud server is a single text document.
>READMEFUCKER.TXT
A file.
Is this…
He quickly opens it.
>>”First non-essential file on this system, I have broken this computer’s hymen, any adjustments to this OS will be my sloppy seconds, my leftovers. Read it and weep you nerds.
Sup fuckers, Ace here, the shitty dolr-store equivalent of God-Emperor on this fucking deathworld.”
It IS!
Ace was here? When? Quickly checking the file date, it's completely broken. But from the st time it was edited, he can tell that Ace was here…
…less than a couple months ago?
“Holy shit”
They're still alive?! Fucking HOW?!
Wait, if they were here… why didn't they find Uriel?
He continues reading.
>>”If you've managed to find my other notes, then you know the drill. Coordinates below, please find me and if you're a stud then PLEASE pound me into the mattress, at the earliest fucking convenience. The machines I have made to fix this are getting old and boring. I am seriously considering using my super expensive materials to fix this, I’m not joking anymore.
Anyways, If you haven't. Then, well shit buddy, welcome to shitville popution me and you. Good luck, don't die, are you hot?
This note isn't localized, I'm basically jerryrigging an old PC I found in a car (which was in the middle of the desert for some reason) to connect this to any cloud servers it's signal range can reach.
So. Now with the introduction out of the way… fuck whoever made these computers. Who designs an OS that has most of its processing power just… not exist??? It's like they made third of a PC and just threw their hands up like “good enough” NO FUCKER THIS SHIT IS BARELY OPERABLE.
But I made it work, because I'm awesome like that (humble). I basically had to create the programming equivalent of duct tape and just cover the gigantic holes in the system.
Now this is the part where I brag about my genius and then humbly ask that whatever hot piece of meat reading this to again consider dropping everything to fill my holes, but I won't. Because I am that fucking disappointed about this, and I want to make that clear.
Fuck whoever made this computer. Suck my entire asshole and die.
Okay what else.
Stronghold. I finally found a way around the “fuck you Ace” zone at negative y-levels, not the kind of “fuck-me” I want so they can also suck it. Turns out I was just being a dumbass and hadn't considered just building a quarry, where the actual machinery isn't at those levels.
And bombs, lots of bombs work too.
But here's where it gets real coocoo crazy-like.
I fucking found it, along with that portal. There's nothing in the notes about what's on the other side, but I've done stupider shit for worse reasons, I AM getting out of here, whether the world likes it or not.
And when I'm done, I'm getting the strongest booze I can find, hiring as many prostitutes as I can find, and as much fucking candy I can buy.
Just for you, Pinks.
Getting what the portal needs seems simple enough, weird eye things, that was also in the notes. Should have that done before I start making googoo eyes to the business end to my rifle.”
Joshua’s eyes widen, reading every line he makes sure he doesn't miss a single thing. If Ace already managed to find the portal, then that's a HUGE advantage for him!
And… another mention of Gabriel?
>>”The parasites are getting restless.
Breaking news, parasites are pieces of shit. Literally nobody was surprised. Next up, the sky is blue.
But between the big guys and the parasites, something got them riled up. Not sure what, but fuck those guys anyways.
I will have to create something to keep it from spreading the infection, the idea of these things somehow spreading through spores (knowing my luck they will) is making me wish I just invested into bigass fmethrowers.
Targeted acid doesn't work, frequency pulse generators doesn't work, only thing that seems to work consistently is fire, which fucking SUCKS because my ass can't find the shit for fuel to save my life.
Put a gun to my head and tell me to make fmethrower fuel and I'll deepthroat the barrel.
Whatever, rant aside. After I'm done with the safety prep, I'm going through the portal.
I'm not sure what's on the other side.
Home?
Death?
Some… other, even freakier world?
Or nothing at all?
Whatever, I don't care.
I'm treating these notes as an excuse to rant, but there's a good chance nobody will even read these, so… don't care!
Down below are the relevant coordinates. I couldn't figure out how to upload my nudes without fucking up the entire system, so just imagine I'm really hot.
With tightest regards,
-?”
…
Joshua sits there for a moment, just looking over it again and again.
Okay, filter out all the bits of Ace being horny…
They found the Stronghold portal, that's good.
He knows that Steven is supposed to talk with Palkia today, he doesn't know when, but he shouldn't sit idly by on a “maybe”.
Joshua feels hopeful, though.
Parasites have a weakness to fire, he already knew that.
But what's interesting is that he knows how this file got here, and the implication that Ace is close enough for this computer to be in reach.
Things are… looking up! Maybe getting back home will happen sooner rather than ter!
[StevenStoneOffical: Remember the bunker, my friend.]
And there he is again… what is he so worried about?
“You know you misspelled ‘official’ in your name, right?”
[StevenStoneOffical: I am well aware. Every time it is brought up I add a dolr to a fund dedicated to pranking the assistant that made this account for me.]
[StevenStoneOffical: It currently sits at 237 Pokebucks.]
[StevenStoneOffical: No I cannot change it.]
[StevenStoneOffical: No I do not want to.]
Joshua ughs.
