Joshua can't say that he's used to walking up something so steep.
He used to live in a pretty ft area, never really having to walk up something that wasn't stairs.
Aside from the times when he was young, and his parents took up to visit his grandparents up north where it seemed everywhere was uphill, it was never really a problem.
So as he's traversing the side of the mountain east of his base, he can only feel one thing.
Regret.
Thin dull grass flickers with the slight breeze that chills everything in rge swooping waves.
Joshua has to stop, plopping down on a ft rock and rubbing his sore legs that seem to burn with every step. The cold air feels uncomfortable in his lungs.
Jophiel, like always, is beside him. Horn ignited and looking around, sending the occasional psychic pulse as a sort of radar. Being a Magical Mind-Reading Psychic Horse-thing, known colloquially as a “Pokemon”, her stamina is better than his pathetic meatbag body.
Gabriel, being the gas-horse that bears the title of “The Pink One”, is also completely fine, bouncing around the mountainside with reckless abandon.
“Mr. Joshua! Look what I found!”
“Is it another bug?”
“...maybe”
“Is it another centipede?”
“The one with the-”
“The one with the million legs yes”
There's a rare moment of silence from her, Joshua almost thinks he hurt her feelings, but a low murmur makes him think otherwise.
“onetwothreefourfivesixseveneightninetenelev-”
Joshua raises an eyebrow.
“-onemillion YUP! This is a cinnypeed!”
…there is no way she counted that fast.
Jophiel is about to speak up, but a slight tug at their psychic bond stops her.
“Just let her have this”
She grimaces, looking between them silently before exhaling in resignation.
“I…I sti** don* like th*s, Joshu*”
“I know”
Gabriel is… strange, to put it lightly.
Looking over at her, he can see the bright yellow of her hazard suit bouncing around in the grass.
Personality wise, Gabriel is… fine, he guesses. She's a child, at least he thinks so, and she hasn't really done anything objectively wrong. She reminds him of his younger cousin in a way.
But… fuck, it makes him feel like an ass for even thinking about it, but something isn't right about her.
Jophiel doesn't like her, she's been up front about that to him from the moment Porse was dropped into his p.
At first he figured it was because of typical White Horse violence and her being territorial, but with the psychic link between them slowly growing the longer they stay connected, and the number of times they had to “forehead touch”, he knows it's something… different.
At surface level it makes sense, Jophiel is wary around a stranger, especially one that might pose a threat to him. She knows the danger of the purple/pink gas that Gabriel is made up of, and she KNOWS that it only takes a single breach of Gabriel's suit at the wrong time to turn him, herself, and whatever else around them into organic sludge.
That's why he's been okay with giving her the materials to make her own little house.
But below that, Joshua can tell she's feeling just a general uncomfortableness towards the hazard horse. Something primal, is it like the Pokemon version of the uncanny valley?
Well… that's ominous from an evolutionary standpoint.
Joshua pushes himself up, it's time to get going.
“Gabriel, let's get a move on”
“Okay!!!”
Checking his inventory for a quick lookover, he makes a mental checklist of what he needs, and continues walking.
…
2PM, his Pokenav dispys. The map of the mountains is getting more filled out as he travels deeper.
Going higher up wouldn't net anything positive, so he's sticking to walking alongside the slope, circling around the snowy peaks.
He had to kill a small horde of zombies earlier, nothing too bad, but he'd rather not waste bullets, much to Jophiel's dismay.
“It's… ash, right?”
He mumbles to himself, trying to remember that one episode of How It's Made he saw as a kid, the recipe for soap is losing him. All he needs is the loose ingredients and his crafting system would fill in the bnks.
It's definitely not his top priority, but not knowing something as simple as soap is bothering the hell out of him.
“How do you make soap?”
The chat scrolls in the corner of his eye, picking up a new message.
[What kind?]
…what?
His brain freezes.
Oh.
Taking a deep breath, he slowly lets the realization wash over him. Facepalming so hard that it startles the unicorn beside him.
“Oh my God…”
Joshua Abrams may not consider himself dumb.
But he may be one of the stupidest people on his Nightmare World.
He forgot about chat.
This ENTIRE time, while he was here trying to figure out recipes by himself… he completely forgot that there are THOUSANDS of people watching him that have access to the internet.
Combination of neglecting chat and overthinking it.
Hubris of man? What's that? No sir not me.
Ignoring the burning embarrassment and frustration in his heart, he turns to his chat.
“Can someone please post what's needed to make soap? The really basic kind”
[Sure one sec]
[Oh well well well, look who came crawling back ヽ(●′ε｀●)ノ]
[Iono: He remembered us?! (゜ロ゜)]
[QUICK! TAKE A PICTURE!]
[I'll look it up]
[My umbreon got scared, he forgot this was a stream lmao]
[Well he's always talking to Joey in his head]
[Still think that's odd]
[StevenStoneOffical: Hello again Joshua. The ingredients for very basic soap is water, fat or oil, and lye, which is from ashes.]
…he could make that, he just needs lye.
“Thank you”
Joshua tries to think of other things he needs recipes for, he gets a few ideas, but he saves them for ter.
About to look away from chat, another message pops up.
[WAIT, STAY HERE]
Raising an eyebrow, he turns his attention back on the chat window. It's not the only one, many names scroll by all trying to keep his attention.
“What are you all doing..?”
Then he sees chat be… unusually quiet. The normally fast scrolling slowed down to the point he can read each message individually without much strain.
Then after a moment, a question goes through his chat.
[Dr. Ambers: Are you okay?]
“...” Joshua stops.
Another message goes by.
[StevenStoneOffical: Joshua, I know this may be sudden, but due to circumstances and ck of proper private communication, several of us in the League have decided that you most likely need counseling. @Dr. Ambers is a professional psychologist who wants to help, and has volunteered to be your personal therapist.]
Joshua numbly reads the message again.
And again.
A tightness swells in his chest.
“...when did I ask for a therapist?”
[StevenStoneOffical: You didn't. But with what you are going through, you most likely need one.]
He lets out a hollow chuckle. Jophiel's ear twitches and she gnces over at him.
“You just want me… to air out all my shit to tens of THOUSANDS of people?”
Frustrated, his eyes flicker to the view count.
[VIEWERS: 20,823]
Great. It's getting bigger.
[Dr. Ambers: Due to circumstances… I believe it is the only option you have, Mr. Abrams. I am just here if you need someone to talk to, you don't need to tell me everything]
“I'm doing fi- Okay, listen. I appreciate it, I really do. But I don't really need a therapist”
He's doing… fine. Not perfect, but enough for a therapist? He doesn't think so.
[TulipOfficial: Hoo boy, this is going to be rough]
…what?
[SabrinaOfficial: We need to approach this slowly, Tulip. Remember that]
[StevenStoneOfficial: Joshua. When was the st time you left the psychic link with Jophiel?]
His brow furrows, why does it seem like everyone knows something he doesn't? It's a little frustrating.
“We never really disconnected, I think” Looking over at Jophiel, she gives a small nod to confirm.
[Dr. Ambers: Disconnect please, just for a moment]
“What? Why?” It's what allows him to understand Jophiel clearer.
[Dr. Ambers: You will understand, Mr. Abrams]
[Make sure to get in a safe spot first!]
“...I'm not walking all the way back to base”
He decides to just build a small temporary base out of cobblestone, wood flooring, and a normal wooden door; it barely takes a few minutes.
Sitting against the wall, he wonders what all this is about. Is something wrong with the link? A small tug at it makes Jophiel perk up, but nothing feels wrong.
“Alright. I guess we're doing this… for some reason”
“Mus* we reall*?” He can tell she's worried, only if slightly.
“Doctor's orders love… as much as it confuses me too”
He adjusts his posture.
“Alright, can you cut the link?”
Jophiel looks hesitant, opening her mouth to say something but stopping just before. But eventually, her horn ignites, and he feels… something.
Like a string being cut, Jophiel's presence in his mind is immediately stripped away.
Joshua can't really expin it, but it feels… off. With the link, he's always had this little corner of his mind that always let him know about Jophiel's position and thoughts.
He's gotten used to it, and now that it's gone it's… awkward? Uncomfortable? But mostly a familiarity.
But… strangely… he feels…
Insecure…
Like a brain fog has been lifted… no thats not right. What the hell is happening?
It's… raw? Like a filter for his stray feelings is suddenly gone. Feelings that he's been able to control start to rise up inside him.
Fear. Desperation. Hopelessness. An overwhelming feeling that something isn't right, he shouldn't be here, why is he even here?!
It wells up in his chest, his throat feeling tight, he can feel his body begin to tremble. Did he do something? Is this a punishment? It's been four days now… can he even st as long as the others? Can he st the years that Ace sted?
Four days…
Oh God, he's been gone for four days…
That makes his heart twist.
Mom… Dad…
Oh God… what are they thinking right now?
They must think something happened!
Kidnapped! That he was taken… or… or… dead.
[Dr. Ambers: Joshua, I need you to breath]
“SHUT UP!” His voice is hoarse. He doesn't even notice the tears falling down his face.
He's going to die here. His body trembles uncontrolbly.
“I-I'm going to die…” Joshua grits his teeth.
“GOD FUCKING DAMMIT”
He shoots up, grabbing his helmet and chucking it at the wall with a loud CLANG.
An axe appears in his hand.
“WHY?! WHY ME?! HUH?!” He sms the axe against the wall, chipping it, he ignores the harsh vibration against his palms.
“STUPID! FUCKING! PEACE OF FUCKING SHIT!” He sms the axe into the wall with all his might.
“FUCK! FUCK! FUUUUUUCK!!!”
His face feels like it's on fire, and his hands are numb.
“WHY DID YOU TAKE MY FAMILY?!?!”
*CLANG*
“MY FRIENDS?!?!*
*CLANG*
“HUH GOD?! IS THIS A FUCKING TEST?! WELL I BELIEVE YOU NOW DON’T I?! SO SEND-”
*CLANG*
“ME”
*CLANG*
“FUCKING”
*CLANG*
“BAAAACK!!!!”
*CLAAAAANG*
*Snap*
The axe breaks, dissolving into nothing and disappearing into his inventory.
He looks down at his now bloodied palm.
A choke escapes his lips.
Whatever resilience he had left is gone.
And he breaks down, dropping to the floor and sobbing like a child.
…
[Dr. Ambers: Whenever an inexperienced psychic types create a link, they cannot properly draw a line of what is “their” feelings, or one's they feel from the link]
[Dr. Ambers: So, inevitably, this causes the emotions of the second party to be influenced by the first. This leads to proper emotional growth being stunted with the non-psychic]
[Dr. Ambers: Jophiel is handling the situation with a much calmer mind because, as a Pokemon, her mind and the way she thinks is fundamentally different from a human. Due to the link, it gave you the impression that you were coping well too]
[Dr. Ambers: When in reality, the link was making it incapable for you to truly process your feelings, and your situation. While it may have protected you, it also made you unable to grow and heal]
Joshua ys on the floor, staring with red eyes at the chat. He doesn't know how long he's been ying there.
[Dr. Ambers: Let me make this clear, Mr. Abrams. This is a very common issue. Many trauma cases are told to hold off on any psychic bonds they may have until their mind is in a stable state, or if the Pokemon is experienced enough to handle it]
[Dr. Ambers: You will grow from this, Joshua. You are a strong man, and I know you will come out of this even stronger]
He blinks. He feels… numb. Tired. But relieved. His mind feels cluttered, but his thoughts are more distinct. Ideas he's had for a while but never did, but now he feels silly for taking this long.
Rolling onto his back, he looks up at the cobblestone ceiling. The mares are outside, they left some time ago, he doesnt know.
The hole in the wall beside him is embarrassing to look at.
Right now, he just needs to think.
His hand creeps up, wrapping his fingers around the cold silver of his cross.
A rather basic prayer flows from his lips, not scripture, but one that his mother had a habit of saying before bed.
“Heavenly Father, thank you for everything you have given us, for our lives, for our loved ones, and everything we need. I thank you for your guidance and wisdom, and I ask with all my heart for the strength to overcome whatever trials face me…”
He breaths out.
“Amen”
He hears wings fpping outside.
