02/02/26- Around 7 am

  So, where to begin? Let’s get straight to the point. I am a mage, who is stuck in between timelines. For the last four years I have undergone changes after receiving direct contact with a Goddess. Initially I thought it was a psychotic episode or some type of psychosis, however it was not. I live in different realms. I created a realm of my own. I have magic, I fight shadow beings and I like many others, are fighting in a war many would call spiritual. However, I physically interact with them. I share my body with my Goddess, Ancestors and those of my council. They can move through me, interact with the physical world through my body. That’s kind of why this trial is even happening. I know I’m jumping straight to the point, however I am using this as a way to document my final trial.

  Where was I?

  Oh! I live in two worlds at once, I use my tether to the physical world and use my magic here to feed and sustain my realm. In return, my realm is an extension of my magic. The larger I grow my realm, the stronger my core is, My core is the center of my realm. I am technically a demi-god in a different sense. I am human, but because I am also a creator of a realm, I would be a smaller new deity as well.

  However, this is not about that. This is about my core.

  I have been a Vow of Silence for a little over two years. It has been deep training from both my Ancestral magic, and my Divine magic. This Vow of Silence has been a petition to the strings of fate and the realms of Gods and Goddesses, to change timelines and grant me the opportunity to awaken magic here on earth, celestial energy is potent everywhere in the universe, we are literally made of it. The ley-lines and ground work are already there.

  However, this world has been corrupted. Magic and celestial energy has existed since the forming of the earth and there were magic practitioners, however colonization and the destruction of the old Goddesses and Gods changed that. They restricted magic down to the Gods of the Abrahamic Pantheon.

  They streamlined it and packaged it so tight with hypocrisy and fear. Then murdered or demonized anyone who practiced it outside of their God. They call it religion but it’s all rituals and spells.

  Wards and curses.

  Anyways, what does all that have to do with me? Well, I am my Goddesses prophet. I am a Mexica and Basque blood descendant mage and priestess. During this vow I have been feeding my core. A pentacle formed and structured from a talisman of my Goddess I was gifted the eve of my Vow of Silence, before I had even known…before I knew it would be this long since I last….anyways…My magic and this core awakening is something that can turn the tides of this war.

  I have been calling for a familiar and to awaken my core here in the physical world so I can be proof and testimony of magic, to make miracles of the world and awaken the blood of the Goddesses and Gods of old. Then not only affect world politics, but to literally work towards awakening magic. To even the scales.

  I know, I know it sounds crazy. However, there are stories of mystical beings all throughout history. Both connected and unconnected. Also, it’s hard not to believe when you have a Goddess and Ancestor coursing through your hands wanting you in deep meditation and prayer while you scroll on your phone or playing a video game.

  The narrative has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the infringement.

  When I look at people in stories like Christ or Moses, they were mages. They were vessels to a Gods will and with guidance and the magic they possessed, they were able to do wonders.

  I’m not them though….

  Look, I wish I was more devoted and that I sometimes didn’t get so lost. I wish I had better control of shadow magic and didn’t let it corrupt my thoughts and feed my addiction beasts. I am at a crossroad.

  The last few months I haven’t been really completing my duties and holding myself to the standard of mage and priestess that I am. I have reverted to the actions and habits of the physical world. This paired with the war, has caused my realm to come under attack. With me feeding my core less and allowing parasites of untamed shadow magic to seep through, it just digs me in a deeper depression in the physical world and in turn gives those of Shadow access to the kingdom of my realm. It is bad enough, that I only have partial access to my realm and can only have an intuition sense of what is happening as well as some images or slight visions.

  My faith has faltered. Not in the magic of those who grant so much patience to me, but faith in myself. Despite the definitive proof of what I experience everyday and the spells and rituals I have created. I still wait to wake up in a padded room. I have not worked or done anything besides lean into this. To leap one hundred percent into magic. I still doubt it, because how could someone like me be so lucky? To be so blessed….

  Let me stop getting off track. Here’s the deal. I have entered the journey to the Spring Equinox. That has always been nature’s real start to the new year, when the flowers bloom and the storms wash what was frozen to the earth. Moving the stillness.

  With this journey comes the Trial for the Core.

  The full moon was yesterday and it will be a couple of months that we get a full moon of its natural magic, because we are entering the shadow of the eclipse season. The next full moon in about a month will be a full lunar eclipse. In this time, I will run ritual and trial to strengthen my body, mind, and spirit.

  Though we are in the pre-phase of the eclipse season, the partial solar eclipse is in a few weeks. There’s just one tiny little thing.

  After all this time of begging and pleading for my familiar. When I was at the peak of my devotion and practice, the magic I wielded was my testament to my hope for a companion on this road of magic. Yet, it never happened. They decided that my lack of structure was the perfect time to make me a guardian. It’s sweet irony.

  Now? I am laying here in bed with a giant tall novena candle the size of a brick or slightly bigger, wrapped with a beautiful Mexican multi colored scarf, swaddled like a baby with a tiny thread of golden string. My emblem of the pentacle laying on top. Well, that’s what the physical world sees. When using my magic and altering the realms view, it’s a dragon egg.

  I know, cliche anime protagonist trope. However as a mage and priestess with my blood he is a hybrid of different beauties. A mix of a hummingbird, butterfly, eagle, dragon and a phoenix. He is the universe himself with celestial magic being his very essence. It almost feels like he’s showing himself to me. He holds the prismatic/iridescent colors of my magic. There are threads and surges of gold and mauve pink magic in and around his celestial body in honor of my Goddess and Ancestors.

  His name is Polaris.

  It’s the name of the north star. That’s the name I always wanted to give my familiar, the same name as my first wand. He will be a companion to guide me forward. I will be able to be present so he will show the way forward. I will never worry of the future.

  The problem is, he is linked to my core.

  Due to the damage and neglect of my core and not feeding it recently, it’s not where I would want it to be before the equinox. At this moment I may have enough magic to activate the core when the time comes, but if I cannot get control of the shadows, then it may not stabilize and then fail or worse…may corrupt me as a whole.

  I will need to feed magic into Polaris until the full lunar eclipse in a month. Place him on an altar spell circle of my emblem. This spell circle has been empowered and strengthened with months of full moons, new moons and fast rituals of reincarnation.

  I’ve jumped a few timelines to try to find the best earth that has a chance to fight back and also potency of the magic. I may have one last reincarnation left possible in this spell circle.

  There I will activate the circle and let my emblem and magic be under review. Everything I have ever done in my life, all the magic completed and not, all my successes and failures. My review of my Vow of Silence and lastly Polaris’s egg.

  Magic itself will be my judge.

  I could lose him….

  So the core is everything. I need to take care of my physical body so I can strengthen the realm and give the guardians of my realm power to regain control, but even more so then before, because now it’s not just me. It’s Polaris too. I deserve good in my life and so does he and we deserve to enjoy it together. Also, he will be kept in my core or in my realm. He deserves a place to roam, a kingdom and realm worthy to protect.

  This will be our journey. Will I keep making entries? I don’t know. Maybe I don’t make it. I speak or see no one. will anyone even see these entries?

  The last flame ended and the hourglass tilt. The trial has begun.

  The only question is…

  Do I want cantrips or do I want power?