“Each contestant will be given a selection of summon crystals to compete with. They will have three minutes to manifest and prepare their creations. They will then present their outfits to the judges. Whoever has the most points after five rounds will be declared the winner. The loser…” Lady Starling looked sideways at Ash. “Will be ejected from the building.”

  “This is some grinksludging nonsense.” Ash hunched his shoulders. “How am I supposed to compete with Mr Eaupéril in a fashion contest? Fashion is completely frivolous. And your Father is the most frivolous man I’ve ever known.”

  “You didn’t have to challenge him Ash.” Luke put a hand on Ash’s shoulder.

  Ash glowered. “I didn’t have to do a lot of things, but now I have, so I have to have a chance to show Chance that I have what it takes to have him embarrassed in front of all these people.”

  “Stop focusing on my Father and remember that you’re also being judged by Jack inside of an arena full of strangers who are ravenously anticipating your embarrassment.” said Luke.

  *Teeth Grinding*

  “You’re not backing down are you kid?” Lady Starling scanned the crowd.

  Ash teased his shirt sleeve. “No. no. Just, taking a hard look at reality and noticing all the cracks and imperfections that disturb the surface.” said Ash.

  “Most underdogs have a bit more humility. Let’s see how far you can go.”

  #

  Bebe kicked open the door to the catwalks. The metal railings shook with the sudden force.

  “What are you doing you morons? Who decided to use blue number 7 for lighting the skinny one?”

  Several overstage rigging technicians looked up in surprise.

  A Chalkdusted Illuminator stopped adjusting a large electrical light that was pointed down at the stage below.

  “Who? Who are you talking about? And who are you?” he asked.

  Bede held up a hand and ticked off three fingers as he spoke.

  “You. The skinny boy on stage dressed like Constantine. And finally, I am the person that can remedy your education and teach you basic color theory you unblinking cave fish. Now do as I say and pull those blues off of the skinny boy. You’re making him look like an emaciated corpse.”

  “How do you know-”

  “Don’t question me. I’ve spent more time that I care to admit making sure that boy’s features are visible from a distance. Now do as I say, shutter those lights, get ready to focus this entire grid.”

  Bede pointed his bottle of hot sauce in the rigging tech’s face.

  “Ah! What is that? It smells like poison.”

  The cap of the bottle wiggled back and forth. Bede snapped it back into place.

  “It’s fine. The Alchemists assure me that it's safe to consume.”

  #

  “As you are aware Combat Bakers are one of the most highly trained Guilds in the Kingdom.” said Plinth.

  “I am indeed aware. In fact you hardly needed to mention that at all. Everyone knows that, so we don’t need to bring it up ever again.” said the Councilor. “Now let me see if I understand. You are saying that I will stand over there and throw this apple into the air.”

  “That's right.” Plinth nodded.

  “And then this other gentleman who is standing on the other side of the room will throw a knife at it. And he will peel the entire apple in the air?”

  “That is correct.” Plinth nodded again.

  “Well, this I have to see. Let me just turn away from the Convention Hall stage so that I can get a good look at this.” Councilor A settled himself.

  Plinth waited on the other side of the room. A long carving knife was in his hand.

  “So you are a Combat Baker?” The Gloved Guard looked over at Cophin.

  Cophin’s eyes dashed over at the Councilor for a moment. “Heh heh, no. I’m not a Combat Baker.” He flipped the knife. “But I did study in their kitchens. So I’m, about, one step behind ya might say.”

  “So how is this supposed to work? You want me to simply toss this apple into the air?” The Councilor hefted an apple he was holding.

  Cophin nodded from across the room. “That’s right. Give it a good high toss. And I should also say, everyone else take a step back.”

  “Very well. Here goes.”

  Councilor A pulled his arm back and then launched the apple into the air. Everyone in the private box watched the fruit soar through the air.

  This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

  (A)

  There was a flash. Cophin’s hand was like an eagle’s claw, almost too fast to follow. The knife he threw spiraled into the air, twisting along every axis imaginable and some that weren’t. The knife buried itself into the wall above the buffet table. Its handle resting gently on top of a pyramid of tea cakes.

  The apple, its trajectory undisturbed, fell and landed on the be-rugged floor of the viewing box.

  (?)

  But with its first *Bounce* all assembled watched as the apple’s exocarp sheared away in a perfect spiral.

  (A~~-~--~---~

  By the time it *Bounced* a second time the entire soft flesh of the mesocarp was visible next to a red ribbon peel.

  *Silence*

  “Incredible! Bravo! Incredible.” Councilor A clapped his hands.

  “You’re too kind.” Cophin made a formal bow.

  The Councilor turned to the Gloved Guard. “Call down to the gallery. Tell them to send up an entire fruit tray. I want to see what else he can peel.”

  Cophin turned to Plinth and scowled. Plinth shrugged.

  #

  “I need yellow!” Bede shouted.

  □ “Like this?” The Chalkdusted Illuminator held up a square of colored gelatin.

  “That's chartreuse. Where is my red?”

  ? “Like this one?”

  “That one couldn't be more vermillion.”

  ? “Here’s a navy color.” Said another lighting technician.

  “That one is basically indigo. I need something more cobalt than that.” Said Bede.

  The technician shook his head. “I don’t understand what any of these words mean.”

  ? ? ■

  “I don't need you to understand, I only need you to do exactly as I say.” Bede smiled with more cheek than was necessary.

  “Take it easy on the help Bede. They actually have to work for a living.” The metal grates creaked as Vance stepped out onto the catwalk.

  Bede’s fake smile disappeared. “What are you doing here Vance? Did you get lost on your way to the dumpster you sleep in?”

  Vance pretended not to notice. “Thanks for the concern Bede. Should I ask the bellhop to come and get those bags that are under your eyes?”

  Bede pretended not to notice even harder. “Did you fight a rat in an alley for that jacket? Because I would have let the rat keep it.”

  The half dozen lighting and rigging workers on the catwalk pretended to look in any direction but at the two young men.

  Bede sighed. “But seriously Vance, what are you doing here?”

  “Hiding from your aunt. I threatened to throw your cousin off the roof, SoMeHoW that makes me the bad guy.”

  “What were you trying to prove? If you wait long enough she would have thrown herself off the roof without your help.”

  “Thank you. That was the explanation that I was trying to make. But your aunt didn’t appreciate my assistance.”

  “You’re a difficult man to underestimate, Vance.”

  “And you couldn’t find your own backbone with both hands and a map Bede.”

  #

  “And of course we will need a volunteer from the audience!” Chance made a show of passing his hand over the crowded seats around the auditorium. “Hmmm, yes, let me see. You there! Third row, second seat! You are perfect. Come on down!”

  The Cottontail Excursionist hopped up and down in excitement.

  “Oh my. Oh yes! Me! Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me.” She ran down the stairs to the stage, leapt up the side onto the proscenium, and tripped. Thankfully all of her clothing was soft and warm. Like she was dressed in pillows. A large linen bedroll was tied to her back above her hips and three bandanas of different colors were tied up on her upper right arm. Her (too large) large deerskin boots were stuffed at the edges with bundles of wool socks. Even her platinum colored hair swaddled her face and shoulders. The *Squeak* that she made as she hit the stage had the effect of evoking a sense of pity in everyone that heard it.

  She leapt back up to her feet.

  “Hammers over halcyon! It’s an honor Mr Eaupéril. I traveled all the way from the Archipelago to see you. It would be my absolute pleasure to participate in this competition.”

  “I know.”

  “This is the luckiest day of my life.” The Cottontail Excursionist said.

  “It really is. Here take my stamp of approval.”

  Chance *Snapped* his fingers. A Mermaid Model appeared at his left elbow holding an inkpad. Chance removed a rubber stamper from his pocket and pressed it into the pad. He looked the Cottontail Excursionist over, frowning at her boots, pants, and jacket. With a shrug he planted the rubber stamp on her cheek. The stamper left behind a red ink mark of a seven taloned falcon’s claw.

  “I’m so excited to participate in this competition Mr Eaupéril.” The Cottontail Excursionist rubbed her palms together.

  “Yes. I only hope you're not too disappointed when your team loses.” Said Chance.

  “But, how could you lose sir?”

  “I’m not going to young lady.”

  “Huh? But I thought I was going to be your model sir.”

  “Ha ha, of course you did. But I already have an entire team of infinitely more qualified models. They have the exact type of non-guild experience (and pay rates) that make them perfect for my show. No, you will be working with this young man.” Chance pointed at Ash. “His name is, I want to say, Dash?”

  Ash crossed his arms. “You've known me since I was a child, Mr Eaupéril.”

  “Good boy Dash. take our beautiful volunteer and try to make something of her. Best of luck. You'll need it.” Chance waved a hand.

  The Cottontail Excursionist’s head snapped back and forth. “But, I thought that I, but…”

  *CaCAAAW*

  A falcon dove over the stage. The Cottontail Excursionist doubled over and hugged her knees.

  Chance turned and strode back to the other side of the stage. “Don’t mind Beck. He’s only stretching his wings.” He rotated so the collar of his cape obscured his face from view.

  The Cottontail Excursionist peeked out from between her fingers.

  Ash offered her a hand. “Sorry about this. I didn’t know he was going to pick someone from the audience.”

  The Cottontail Excursionist took his hand. Ash helped her back to her feet.

  Ash pulled on one of his sleeves. “I'm used to being humiliated by myself. I didn't know that my pride would drag other people into this fiasco. If you want you can leave-”

  “No! No. I’m… going to stay.” Her lip quivered. “Being onstage with Chance Eaupéril. That’s still… that’s still a big event isn’t it?” She smiled and blinked several times to clear her eyes.

  “Yeah, yeah. I guess it is.” Ash rubbed his neck. “I’m Ash by the way.”

  “You can call me Penny.”