CW

  SpoilerDepictions of self harm, depression and PTSD.

  [colpse]

  We were on the highway with a supply delivery bound for an isoted first nation’s vilge in rural Ontario, traveling in a civilian vehicle carrying rations and water. The community of Kasabonika was where we were headed for our new deployment anyway, so we were just hitting two birds with one stone. “Hey L?e????o???????????????n??????????, my GPS is still bunk. Do you think they hit another one of our satellites?” Peter asked. I internally winced, I didn’t want to hear that name anymore… I never thought I’d have to hear it again, but it seemed like my st few weeks were just another ‘sim dream’ or whatever after all, albeit a much more pleasant one for my dysphoria.

  I was back in the war again, oddly not at the start though. This was a few months into the invasion I recalled. Most of the south had already been occupied. Something about this road was eerie. I had no bad memories of Kasabonika, I just felt off as we bumped along the barely-packed dirt.

  I sighed, figuring I might as well continue pying along; I liked Peter’s company anyway. “I doubt it, we’ve been using E.U. satellites for a while now, I doubt the Americans are dumb enough to start another war cross-seas. It’s probably just how rural we are right now.” My voice was insufferably deep.

  Peter shrugged. “I wouldn’t put it past them. That’s always the problems with dictatorships, eh? Ego - It always leads them to ruin.” He chuckled.

  Memories of the st sim came to life in my mind… The injections… Jack... the militia… That’s what it was wasn’t it? Ego. I got conceited and it led to over a hundred lives lost, and for what? To keep a secret?

  “You’re exactly right, Pete.” I grimaced. If only he knew.

  It was silent for a few minutes, until Peter spoke up again. “L?????????????????????e????????????????????o????????????????????????????, don’t you think maybe we should have waited until after the air raid warnings were back to green before we set on the road again?” I furrowed my brow and looked at him. He was staring into the sky at something…

  “Why, what’s wrong?” I asked; sweat starting to creep along my forehead as my face flushed of all color.

  He pointed, and quietly whispered. “Something’s coming.”

  A loud BRRRRRRRRRT noise thundered in the distance.

  Then, bck.

  “AAAAAAAGH” A girly voice shrieked. I quickly felt along my chest making sure I was still alive. I was in a cold sweat and my heart was pounding through my ears. I panted for a couple minutes before I finally came to.

  ‘Came to’ was a vast overstatement, the moment the adrenalin left my body, all my emotions hit me at once. I began bawling my eyes out, letting loose a really ugly, messy cry.

  I was back in my body again… My body, the real me. But that wasn’t what was on my mind. My dream didn’t go down the same way it happened all those years ago, but it was close enough. My real friend Peter, died about a month ter on the following redeployment to Whitehorse, in mostly the same way he had in the dream. I had convinced him the air raid warnings weren’t worth heeding that particur day - that we could make it with little risk; I had been so, so wrong.

  I was lucky. I only lost my arm, but Peter on the other hand… There wasn’t even a body to bury, just a hole in the ground where he’d sat not seconds before. How could I have gotten so conceited? How could I let the same mistake happen again? Ethan refused to even talk to me anymore, and who could bme him. I was a monster; one born of incompetence and too much responsibility. I should have never been the one to-

  *SLAP*

  There was Paige, standing in front of me, crying. When she noticed I had snapped out of my thoughts, she walked up to me, and tightly hugged me. She started stroking the back of my head, saying “It’s okay,” and “Everything is going to be alright.” over and over, cooing to me until I rexed. I was breathing steady again, and a lot of the sadness had washed over me by now. Her calming presence did a number to ease my nerves.

  Having visibly rexed now, she pulled away from me and took my hand into hers… There was blood on my palms. She began to treat them. In my panic attack, I hadn’t realized how hard I was clenching my fists. I’d never had an episode like that before, and it deeply disturbed me how I didn’t even know I was doing it at the time.

  Finished dressing my hand, I gave Paige a warm, but strained smile. “Thank you.” She gave me a concerned smile back.

  She tossed the bloodied rag she used to wipe my cuts into the undry basket, before coming back to me. “Are you okay now?” She gently asked, like the slightest noise would set me off again. Hell, maybe it would.

  I wiped the tears off my face, and blew my nose. “I think…. I don’t think I can be alone right now…” I looked pleadingly into her eyes. I was scared. Scared to make more mistakes, scared to have another nightmare, scared to be alone, scared I was irredee-

  “I’ll stay with you.” She said - determinedly nodding, seemingly to herself. Even she thinks I’m a risk to myself.

  “But first let’s get you all cleaned up. You’re drenched.” She nipped her fingers at my clothing, and the fabric seemingly tried to cling to my skin.

  She guided me to the bath and undressed us both. We got in together and the steaming heat of the tub seeped into my muscles, seemingly seeking to further calm me down.

  It was an odd feeling. We were both in the bath right now, naked together, but I didn’t feel horny. I didn’t even really feel guilty about seeing her naked. Right now, I felt like I was the only one naked here, the only one truly vulnerable. I’m eternally grateful Paige was willing to act as my anchor. I don’t know how badly I’d spiral without her with me at the moment. She helped wash me, and dried my hair for me when we got out.

  We both wore some cozy, fluffy PJs to bed. At first, I id a foot away from her, towards the opposite side of the bed. She quickly dismissed any notions distancing myself though, pulling me in for a tight hug from behind as she spooned me. “My ma’ always used to do this to me ‘n’ Ethan when we were sad. Compassion was the greatest gift she left us.”

  I took her words to heart, only the compassionate could feel the weight of their actions.

  I had my first restful sleep in the three days since that.

  I deferred my responsibilities to Paige the following morning. I trusted her more than I trusted myself right now, and Alfred was always there to help her if she needed advice. I mostly hung around my room and occasionally, the rec area when I got bored of watching movies and reading. Ethan was still avoiding me, but Paige was helping me through my bout of self-depreciation. She offered to stay with me each day since I had that nightmare, which I enthusiastically accepted.

  This particur morning Alfred had paged her, urging the importance of a hail he was receiving.

  It was early afternoon before Paige knocked on the door. “Come in!” I shouted, setting down the book I was so engrossed in.

  Opening the door, she gave me a bigger than usual smile. “Hey-a, Jules!” It was a cute nickname she gave to me when we were lounging around yesterday, I quite liked it.

  “Hey, Paige!” I gave her a genuine smile. She plopped onto the couch next to me, gncing at the cover of the book I’d just set down with a knowing smirk. “You are such a gremlin, ah‘love it.” She pyfully punched my arm.

  I blushed. She knew I was a fan of these cheesy erotic romance novels, but that didn’t make it any less embarrassing to have it pointed out on me. I liked Paige… But I don’t think I see her the same way I did when we first met. She’s more like my best friend if anything, which was probably for the best given the power dynamics involved. Let’s not mention that she was basically my only friend if you didn’t count Alfred who was a computer, and Ethan who isn’t even on speaking terms with me right now.

  “I think Ethan’s startin’ to come to terms with things. We’ve been talkin’ things over the st few days and he understands some of the choices you made now.” She frowned, looking at me. “You made the right call, you know.” The corners of my moth drew heavy and wobbled, erring into a frown. I was trying not to cry at every mention, but it was tough.

  “Let’s not talk about it for now, please. I’m getting better. I’m just not ready for it yet.”

  Her serious expression softened. “I know. Speakin’ of, I have a bit of a surprise that might help. I need you to promise first that you’ll leave everything to me, and just enjoy your night though.”

  I pouted. “I don’t know if I’m up for surprises right now.”

  “Trust me, if I’ve learned anythin’ from you and your past, I’d know you’re gonna have a bst. Just give me a chance, okay?” She patted my head.

  “Alright, just this once, I guess. I owe you that much.” Just as soon as I gave in, Paige smiled, and cpped twice.

  Three automatons waltzed into the room on hearing the non-verbal command; one carrying a box, and another carrying the same sort of case they did when they were about to do my makeup. I guess we’re dressing up for something, eh?

  One of the automatons opened the box, revealing a beautiful red dress, it had a small opening at the sternum, it flowed gracefully until the hem just above my ankles.

  In spite of the opening in the front and the mostly form-fitting style of the dress, it was much more tasteful than my usual uniform. It reminded me a lot of what upper-css women, not the celebrity kind, but moreso the old money sort would have worn in my day. Tasteful floral embroidery cupped around my and contained support for my breasts, their stems reaching towards my sides.

  I rubbed my finger against the material; it wasn’t something Alfred could have made with the fabricator alone, I think he may have used an android to sew it all together for this kind of effect. It was too perfectly imperfect, if you catch my meaning.

  Once dressed, the other two got to work, one of them putting my hair into a simple but neat and regal looking crown braid, the other taking its time on my makeup. The end result was astonishing. I was giddy with excitement at how beautiful I was right now. I looked like a queen! At this point I’d forgotten all about the surprise, but I was a little disappointed I didn’t have anywhere to go all dolled up as I was though.

  Paige came back into the room, though wearing her usual uniform, and waved me over. She handed me a pair of 3 inch heels and led me down the halls to the warehouse. I probably would have struggled walking properly if this was my first time wearing heels, but I secretly used to wear my sisters’ growing up.

  What could only be described as a sleek hover-limo, of a brand I didn’t recognize, with heavily tinted windows, sat parked and ready for us facing the portal device. She opened the door and gestured for me to get in. I hesitated for a minute. “Where are we going exactly?”

  She smiled. “You’ll see. We're technically goin’ on official business, but I’ll be handlin’ all the introductions, and such. You can just rex and enjoy your night out.” I was still a little nervous, but I accepted her hand, helping me into the car.

  She sat across from me, a coffee table between us. “We were invited by an ambassador of Mariana City to a party. It’s mostly just going to be a who’s-who sort of event. There’ll be introductions as I said, but from what I understood they’re really curious to learn more about us and build friendly retions.” I perked up at that.

  “Won’t this risk revealing our portal tech?” I nervously fidgeted.

  She sighed. “Look, you said you’d trust me. I’ve been runnin’ things for the st few days, so just rex, okay? We’ll talk about it when you’re up to it.” She was right, I promised I’d trust her with this so I should just go with the flow. I wasn’t all nerves anyway, I'd actually started getting a little hyped up for my first excursion. I’d been to parties in my past, but I think this was going to be more ritzy than I was used to; not to mention I’m going as an honest-to-god woman this time around.

  I leaned on my elbow and faced out the window as we traversed the portal, warping into a big garage. A man in a suit wearing sungsses – reminiscent of the secret service – grabbed the handle on the shutter door and opened it wide. With that, we began to hover out of the building and through the streets.

  I was at a loss for words.

  Buildings and boulevards stretched out beyond what the eye could see, walking paths everywhere for pedestrians through the greenery between the buildings. Long metal rails stretched out every which way, around, over, under and sometimes even through the buildings cluttering the pce. Metal rails along which long maglev-like trains and vehicles of all sorts seemed to zip around on at high speeds.

  In what would be the sky above it all was concaved gss reflections of dim light, mostly coming from a massive orange-tinted spherical light fixture that illuminated most of the city as well simuting evening daylight.

  “There must be tens of thousands of people living here…” I commented, mostly to myself.

  Paige answered anyway. “Much closer to ten million, actually. This ain’t even close to being the only dome like it. The underground digs too house tons more besides.”

  I sat back down normally, remembering some of what Alfred had told me about the remnants of humanity. “I guess he did estimate around 1.2 billion survivors. I just never really took a minute to think about what that meant… Or how any of this could be possible actually. How do you keep construction like this a secret?”

  She shrugged, seemingly less interested than I was in the subject.

  After about ten minutes of gliding across this dome, we arrived at a giant mansion, the building alone must have taken up at least 3 acres and it was designed in an ornate style, reminiscent of French renaissance architecture. Dozens of vehicles of simir make and model of ours lined the rails in front of the mansion. I wonder if hovercraft are rare here? Clearly they’ve made an exception for us, if so.

  Our hover limo nded perfectly on a clear patch of grass just next to the walking path. I suppose we don’t want to block up the rail given we don’t belong on it. Two finely dressed and clean shaven men approached each of both Paige and I’s doors and escorted us out of our vehicle to the entryway of the manor.

  Once at the entrance, the original two left us, and another of what I guessed were butlers came up to take our coats.

  Now entering the estate at st, I saw people of all csses of life. It felt like a mix between a dress up party and a meeting of statesmen.

  Some people wore mustard yellow, military styled garb, some wore clothes from all different eras; 1800s, 1900s, 2000s, and even some styles I didn’t recognize that were probably after my time. A lot of them seemed downright gaudy, which appeared to be the typical style here especially for women. I was gd Paige or whoever picked my outfit decided not to conform to the fashion tastes of wherever we were, I’d be too embarrassed have came here looking like a human peacock. In the corner of the room, an orchestra was pying soft music, with my untrained ears I’d have said the composition was inspired by Gymnopédies.

  Paige grabbed us both some red wine from the server’s tray, handing me my gss and leaning in close to whisper. “We’re in the ocean state of Mariana City. It’s pretty big as far as ocean states go, and we’re meetin’ with their foreign ambassador, Victor Zhang.” I nodded, watching the crowd.

  Observing the gathering, I was on the lookout for the ambassador. With a surname like Zhang I ignorantly assumed he would be someone of Asiatic descent, but to my surprise, it was someone who appeared to be of African descent that first approached, not that his ethnicity mattered either way.

  The tall man leaned forward, and took Paige’s hand in his, giving it a gentle kiss. “Vice Commander, Paige. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you in person.” To which Paige politely nodded, keeping her serious composure.

  He turned to me and did the same. “You must be Julia, then? The woman behind D.A.I. Corp, and the celebrity of the hour in our humble city?”

  I blushed. “I suppose it must be.” I wasn’t sure what he was talking about, but the princess treatment was melting my brain, not to mention half the eyes in the ball room were on us.

  He gave me a friendly smile. “I’m Victor Zhang, a foreign ambassador for Mariana City, yet unassigned as of now… Would you accompany me for a dance, my dy?” He bowed and extended his arm forward. This guy really knows how to push my buttons in all the right ways… He is a professional Politian, I guess fttery would be his strong suit.

  I took his hand, not able to look at him directly. “I would.” Paige gave me a quick wink before Victor, in his prince charming act, began to lead me to the floor.

  AnnouncementHello, cherished readers! Sadly, with the amount of continuity I have to keep track of now, writing chapters takes a little longer than it did before, I'm probably going to aim for one chapter per every second or third day from here-on.

  As always, I hope you all enjoyed the new chapter!