Journal Entry: 24. Date: 1/4/2. Name: Greg George

  Well fuck.

  Just a vague feeling abut some bullshit happening with the court case when I woke up. I don't know if it even counts as a nightmare, but I'll write it down anyway.

  Time for honest feelings. Process this shit by writing it. So I hate crying. I fucking hate how out of control I feel, I hate how I can't fucking see, I hate how I can hardly fucking breathe. Hate every fucking second of it. Fuck crying. Fuck crying sideways and twice on Sunday. I don't think I cried like that since Ignitia burned. Bugging me days later. Oh, it's not remembering how fucking unpleasant the sensations of crying were that bothers me, no, honest feelings, it's the fact that I felt better afterward. I put myself in a stupidly vulnerable position and it felt good. Now that deep part is muttering about how I thought it was safe to sing with Ray and look what happened.

  So I can just not cry, right? Deep part of me will shut the fuck up and let me protect my Bleivuses if I just don't fucking cry right?

  Well Linus came to talk to me this morning. Little adorable jerk. He told me that he snuck out to listen to me tell everyone else my story. I was a little miffed. I told him that what happened to me was too scary for him, and he just said he knew and that it was too scary for me too. Well, that sounded weird so I calmed down and got him to explain. He thinks it was too scary for me to live through, and that it wasn't right that I did. I told him that bad things happen all the time, and right and wrong are about how you act when they do. Then the little jerk said with sobs waiting to break in the back of his little throat, "The monsters got your mommy and daddy, but I can share my mommy and daddy with you. That way you can have a family again." Jerk. Made me cry again. Fuck crying. Shut up deep part. Shit was wholesome as fuck.

  Oh, but that couldn't be the end of it. Fuck no. Sneaky needed a talking to. God-damn it.

  Mom cornered me up in the galley, and we had ourselves a chat chit. It almost fucking wrecked me. Fuck, it did.

  Went something like, "Would you like some tea, Sneaky?"

  "Thank you ma'am."

  "Why did you learn honorifics?"

  "Manners cost nothing, ma'am."

  "True enough, but learning them costs effort. I appreciate it."

  "Are you going to pat me on the head and call me a good boy?"

  "I might, you're adorable enough it's hard to remember you're a man grown."

  I shrugged.

  "No denial?"

  "I can't help how I look, or how a bunch of giant blue people perceive my features."

  "Not so, if you were violent, those features would be creepy."

  "I suppose, but I like you, your family, and the crew is good to me. Even if they have no aesthetic sense."

  "I see." The silence stretched on, but for a guy like me there's little need to fill an awkward silence. She did, "I called you a man grown, but you were grown too soon."

  "Ah. Listen Mom, I told my story, and I'll tell the rest of it. Just not now. I think maybe tomorrow."

  "Please, there are things I wish to say to you."

  "You don't need my permission, Mom, we're friends."

  "First, I wish to know your true name."

  "Private First Class Gregory George, Republican Drop Infantry. I generally go by Greg, but I like the nickname you gave me."

  The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.

  "Gregory, did I say it well?"

  Fuck that hurt. Greg is a common enough name outside Ignitia, but the way other people said it wasn't how we do. It's the last vestige of our culture, the way we say each other's names, and Mom just made a very good try at pronouncing Greg like an Ignitian. Not the exaggerated accent people put on in Commercial English when they do an impression of of a stupid person, just a try at how I said my name from hearing it once. I nodded.

  "Gregory, you embarked untimely. I do not know how it is amongst your people who sail yet keep ties with planets, but amongst us one doesn't leave his parents' ship until the twenty sixth year at the earliest. The thirtieth is most common, and many are content to remain and settle in the same ship. Yet from your story, you were yet a year from your Halfway when not only did you leave your home behind, but were forced to sunder all ties out of mercy. This is not well for you."

  I shook my head and signed, "No, I am broken inside. I try-"

  She cut me off, "You found brothers in those who you fought alongside for your lives. This is well, for a ship must be crewed and no man sails the stars without a ship. However, you are sundered from your brothers now. This is not well for you."

  "I'm sorry, I will do-"

  "You have shown us honor by sharing your story. This honor is, to us, deeper than friendship permits. You live in our household, you eat at our table, I trust you with my children. These are, upon reflection, not the treatment due to a friend, but a son. Welcome home."

  FUCK FUCK [the rest of the page is filled with aimless, forceful scribbles blotched is if by drops of falling liquid.]

  Dear Diary,

  I had a talk with Mom this morning. I told her that it feels like I have two brothers, and that we don't really treat Sneaky like he's just our friend. He even contributes to the ship like an older son. As a castaway, he SHOULD be given guestrite until we can get him home or he wants to go, but he can't stand not helping. A matter of HIS honor. Gratitude is a big deal to his people. I was a little surprised when Mom said that she was feeling the same way, and she'd talk it over with Daddy at the end of his bridge shift.

  After that, I overheard Sneaky and Yoiv. Sneaky was scolding him for sneaking (heh) out to eavesdrop on him telling us what happened to his home planet. That explains why Yoiv was having bad dreams. But then Yoiv said something about it being to scary for Sneaky. I eavesdropped just a little.

  "Okay, Little Brother, I'm not angry. What do you mean?"

  "I mean you were a kid... a kid like me or Trantran... and... and... monsters got your family."

  "Yes, I was a kid like you. But I'm not a kid anymore, I grew up."

  "But back then... back then... it was scary..."

  "Yes..."

  "Too scary..."

  "And I lived through it."

  "That was wrong."

  "Little Brother, bad things happen all of the time. Right and wrong is about how people act when bad things happen, not them happening, okay? You don't need to be angry over the monsters for me, don't worry, okay?"

  "The monsters got your mommy and daddy, but I can share my mommy and daddy with you. That way you can have a family again."

  I decided that was a good time to give them their privacy. I mean, it was a little rude, but I was curious. I'm sure they'd forgive me.

  Anyway, I went to class and Yaigdrill caught me after class and apologized for how he'd behaved toward Sneaky and asked if it would be okay for him to come over to apologize to him personally. Well, duh. Of course it's okay. But I told him he might want to wait until tomorrow or the next day. He asked why and I just told him that Sneaky was processing some bad memories. He didn't press the issue and asked me to let him know when it would be a good time.

  After class, I went and found Daddy. We didn't talk much, we just worked. Then I asked if he'd talked to Mom. He did, of course, and we went to the galley to help pick up the pieces.

  Log: 6000000.9.20, Personal, Captain Yormdrill

  It is strange to put into words the feeling that's been growing. It seemed so natural, I didn't even notice it was happening. Not until Trevdi came to talk things over with me.

  "Do you notice anything strange about Sneaky, Heart?"

  "You shall have to be more specific. He is a very strange man."

  "No, no. I mean about how he fits into the ship."

  "I think he fits in quite well, actually."

  "That's what I mean. He's rejected the guestrite as a matter of his honor and we accept his help."

  "This is well, isn't it?"

  "Well for what? Our honor? Sure. His? Yes. But he is more than simple guest in our quarters."

  "A friend, then."

  "A friend who wept in your arms?"

  "A very good friend."

  "Who attends to your teaching."

  "A very good friend."

  "Who delights your children without either of us fearing injury or insult?"

  "Heart, I do not understand what you're getting at. I have been staring at the viewports and readouts for hours with nothing to sharpen my thoughts."

  "Do we not treat Sneaky like a son?"

  I had to think for a long moment. "I think perhaps. I think it would be well for him to be family, and know he is. Shall I tell him?"

  "No, my Heart. I have things I wish to tell him."

  Trandi came soon after to just be in my company. It was fine, everything was decided. We went to watch our matriarch welcome our long lost son home. We didn't know we'd missed him until we met.

  Dear Logary,

  I told Sneaky I would share my MoMMy and DADdy with him.

  He was so happy he cried.

  I have a big brother now.

  I can't wait to tell MommY and DAdDy.